Waiting For A Star To Fall
by isabella2004
Summary: It's September 1972 and as Ben Stone starts his first year at Harvard, he meets Evelyn Sanderson, a woman who will change his life forever...
1. Chapter 1

**Harvard Law School**

**September 1972**

It was the first day of the rest of his life, or so his mother had said. She had been so proud when she'd waved him off that morning, tears filling her eyes, hugging him tightly and kissing him wetly on the cheek, leaving a prominent lipstick mark.

"Mom!" he'd protested loudly, shaking her off. He could see the neighbours watching from across the street and nothing was more embarrassing than being seen to be kissed by your mother at the age of twenty-five.

"I can't help it if I'm happy!" she'd protested, fixing him with a look of mock annoyance, "My only son, my little boy, off to law school."

He'd rolled his eyes in despair, desperate to be free of her arms and on his way, "I have to go Mom," he'd said finally, "I need to register before ten."

"Oh, of course, of course," she'd said, releasing him and wiping her eyes furiously, "I wouldn't want you to be late." She'd practically pushed him towards the car, "You get going. Call me when you get there."

"I will," he'd replied dutifully, throwing his last remaining bag in the back seat and opening the driver's door. Sliding inside, he'd turned on the engine and closed the door behind him. Just as he had been preparing to back out of the driveway, his mother had tapped on the window. Rolling it down, he'd looked at her questioningly.

Kathryn Stone looked at her son stoically, "Your father would be very proud of you, Ben."

He had swallowed hard against the lump which sprung up in his throat and merely nodded, pulling the gear stick into reverse and moving backwards before his mother could see the tears forming in his eyes. Then, one final quick wave, and he was gone, away on a new adventure.

Law school was what he had dreamed off for years. All throughout high school and college, where he'd done his degree in politics and journalism, he had thought about the day when he would walk through the doors of one of America's top schools and finally study the law. To have been accepted at Harvard was a big deal and his mother was right; his father would be proud. At least, he hoped he would.

The freeway was quiet, not yet given in to the early morning rush hour traffic and as he drove, he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the beat from the radio. He didn't have a clue what they were singing about, his mind being so preoccupied with what was going to happen to him in the nexttwo years. He only hoped it would be everything he had dreamed it would be.

It took two hours to reach the campus and he was surprised by how busy it was when he drove in. The long winding drive leading up to the residences was jam packed with other cars, students dragging suitcases and even furniture up to their new rooms, people laughing and joking, some struggling to be released by their over-emotional parents. He was glad he had persuaded his mother to stay at home.

Finding what was probably the only available space left, he pulled up on the grass verge and turned off the engine. He sat for a moment, just gazing at the buildings in front of him, thinking once again how lucky he was to have made it this far.

Opening the car door, he glanced briefly at the map he had been sent by the university and identified quickly the area he was to go to register. Figuring there wasn't much point in starting to unpack before knowing where he was going, he locked the car and ambled slowly across the grass towards the main building. Inside, there were throngs of people waiting in queues, others hanging around talking, some standing nervously on their own. At the far end of the room, four tables were set up, each baring a stretch of the alphabet. The S-Z table was to the far right and he walked towards it, joining the end of the line that stretched from it. There was only one person allowed at a time to each table and it took almost a half hour to reach the head of the line. Just as he was about to step forward to register a loud voice yelled out from behind.

"Excuse me! I was here first!"

He turned to see what the commotion was and saw a young woman, hands on hips, glaring angrily at a tall, beefy man standing in front of her. He appeared to be ignoring her.

"Hello, are you deaf?" she asked him, "I said I was here first!"

Making a big show of finally hearing her, he turned to look at her, "I'm sorry, are you talking to me?" A titter went up amongst the other people standing in the line.

But the woman didn't back down, "Yes, I am," she said forcefully, "You cut in front of me."

"Tough," the man turned to face the front again.

Ben saw the woman's eyes blaze angrily, "Tough? Yeah, I guess it is tough for you, because I was here first!" She pushed in front of him.

"Hey!" he protested loudly, grabbing her by the arm and pushing her out of the line, "It's rude to overtake."

The woman looked about ready to explode, so Ben spoke up quickly, "You can go in front of me." The woman turned to look at him, an expression of abject rage still marring her face. For a moment, he thought she was about to start on him, but she merely nodded curtly.

"Thank you." She strode past him up to the desk.

"You're welcome," Ben said to her back.

The bored looking student behind the desk barely glanced up, "Name?"

"Evelyn Sanderson," he heard her say.

"Sanderson, Sanderson…" the student looked down the list, "Sanderson, Adam, Sanderson, Barbara…no Sanderson Evelyn, sorry."

"What?"

"You're name's not on the list."

From behind him, Ben could hear the man who had fought with Evelyn snort withy laughter.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded, "I must be!"

The student held up the piece of paper and spoke as though she were stupid, "See? You're not on the list."

The woman dove into the bag she was carrying and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, "I have my acceptance letter, see?" she thrust it in his face.

The student looked at it and shrugged, "Guess there's been a mistake. Next!"

"Wait a sec," the woman demanded, "What am I supposed to do?"

"Go along to the main office and talk to the Dean," the student told her, "Next!" He gestured to Ben who stepped gingerly forward.

The woman whirled around, shot Ben a look of utter contempt and stormed off back towards the main door, ignoring the laughter and cat calls from the others in the line. Ben stepped up to the desk, "Benjamin Stone."

The student looked down, "Yep, you're on it." He lifted a stack of papers, "this is your welcome pack. It's got your timetable and everything in there. Your residence is Hunter House, room 12B."

"Thank you," Ben replied, taking the pile of papers and moving back from the desk. As he did so, the man who had been arguing with Evelyn glared at him. Ben ignored him and made his way back out into the sunshine to where he'd left his car. Picking up some of the bags, he glanced again at the map, located Hunter House and started walking over.

Hunter House, he found, was one of the older residence buildings. Made of red sandstone, it stood at the far edge of the campus, looking slightly out of place amongst a few newer buildings which had been constructed nearby. Inside, the décor was distinctive of the period with flowery carpet and wallpaper. Notice boards were already covered in bits of paper with people advertising everything from TVs to cars. People were milling around, talking, and their voices echoed in the large hallway. Finding the stairs, Ben climbed the four storeys until he found rooms numbered 12. His room was second along and when he slotted the key in and opened the door, he was met by a distinct musty smell and the unmistakable odour of pot.

Setting his bags down, he walked over to the window and looked out onto a view of the lush grounds, still thronging with people. He could see all the way across to the city, the morning sunshine splitting the trees. As he stood contemplating it, there was a sharp rap on the door. Turning quickly, he saw a man, roughly the same age, standing peering into the room.

"Hey," he greeted Ben cheerfully, "Guess we're neighbours."

"We are?"

"Craig Hammond," he stepped in, his hand outstretched, "12A."

"Ben Stone," they shook hands.

"Just arrived?" Craig asked. Ben nodded, "I got here a coupla hours ago. My mother couldn't wait to see the back of me." Ben thought about his own mother's performance, "So, what do you think about the accommodation?"

"Erm…" Ben looked around.

Craig laughed, "I know, tell me about it." He glanced at Ben's begs, "Is that all you got?"

"No, no, there's more in the car."

"I'll give you a hand."

It took two trips, but finally, all Ben's worldly possessions were in his room. He hung up his clothes in the small wardrobe and put the few personal items he had brought out on the shelves alongside his books and radio.

"You fancy a beer?" Craig asked when they'd finished.

Ben checked his watch, "At eleven am?"

"Why not?" Craig grinned, "We deserve it."

"Ok," Ben nodded, "Why not?"

SSSS

Across campus, Evelyn Sanderson sat tapping her foot impatiently outside the Dean's office. When she'd turned up, the secretary had rather snootily told her that she would have to wait, and not even the threat of one of Evelyn's legendary meltdowns would shift her. So, she had planted herself on one of the terribly hard seats to wait. This was not how her new life was supposed to start out.

Early that morning, she had gotten out of bed, made herself some toast, finished packing her things and set off for the bus stop without so much as a by your leave from anyone. Her parents had still been sleeping off the effect of the previous night's drinking and her brothers had been nowhere in sight. Nobody had waved her off, kissed her, wished her luck, nothing. Not that she'd expected it. As soon as she was on the train, she had let her mind wander at how wonderful everything was going to be from now on. No more family, no more problems…a new start. Only it wasn't quite happening that way so far. Not even recognised as being a new student! It was the ultimate slap in the face, making sure she didn't get too big for her boots.

"Miss Sanderson?" the secretary said haughtily, "the Dean will see you now."

Evelyn stood up, shot the woman a withering look and pushed open the door to the office. Inside, the bright décor hit her like a train, and she pulled up short at the redness of the carpet and walls. Behind a large mahogany desk, a man in his fifties was poring over some papers. He looked up, "Sit down." Evelyn sat. "So, I understand that you weren't on the list."

"That's right," she replied, "but I have my acceptance letter." She made to get it out again, but he waved at her.

"It's quite all right, I do believe you. I have you on my list."

"That's not much good if I'm not on any other," she snapped.

The Dean looked at her, "If you will keep your temper, I will give you all the information you need." He lifted a stack of papers and held them across the desk to her, "You'll find everything in there, including your room allocation. It was merely a clerical error."

Evelyn snorted and stood up, "Thank you," she replied ascerbically.

"Welcome to Harvard," the Dean grinned at her.

Evelyn didn't return the smile. She threw open the door of the office and stormed out, past the stuffy secretary and back out into the main corridor. Then she glanced down at the top sheet of her bundle, the one bearing her address. Hunter House, Room 12C.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own the character of Ben Stone, only all original characters. Please read and review!**

"So," Craig said when he and Ben were ensconced in one of the student union bars, "Your folks happy bout you coming here?"

Ben nodded as he took a gulp of beer, "My mom is." He paused on Craig's look, "My father died when I was seventeen."

"Oh, sorry," Craig said, "that's rough."

Ben shrugged, "You get used to it." He looked around, "Nice place."

"Yeah," Craig nodded, "some pretty cute girls too." He inclined his head in the direction of the bar where two blondes were standing. When they saw him looking, they burst out laughing. Craig reddened, and while he noticed it, Ben said nothing. "You got a girlfriend?" Craig asked, recovering quickly.

"Nope," Ben shook his head, "Young, free and single."

"Me too," Craig said, "but you know what they say, life begins at twenty-five!"

After a couple more drinks, they made to leave, but as they were going through the door, Ben bumped hard into someone.

"Sorry," he said, looking up, his words dying as he saw it was the man who had been hassling Evelyn Sanderson earlier.

"Watch where you're going!" the man retorted. When he recognised Ben, his eyes narrowed, "You're that asshole from the line."

"Well spotted," Ben remarked.

"What did you say?" the man advanced towards him.

"Nothing," Craig said, intervening, "he said nothing. Ben, let's go." He practically dragged Ben away from the scene back outside.

"Who the hell does that guy think he is?" Ben demanded once they were out of earshot.

"Nick Phillips, that's who."

"You know him?"

"Don't you?" Craig looked at him, "You must know his father, Senator Robert Phillips?"

"Really?" Ben wasn't wholly surprised. Robert Phillips had a reputation in Congress for being a bully, "Takes after his old man then?"

"Absolutely. Nick was in my year at high school," Craig shuddered, "I hoped I'd never see him again after that, but unfortunately…" By this time, they were back at the residences, "Anyway, how's your timetable?"

"I haven't had a chance to look," Ben replied as they climbed the stairs to their rooms, "I don't even know what my classes are." As they approached their floor, the sound of raised voices reached them and when they turned the corner on their floor, they saw a group of people crowded around the entrance of what looked like the room next to Ben's. Curious, he and Craig walked over in time to hear a string of expletives reach their ears. Pushing through the crowd, Ben was surprised to see Evelyn Sanderson standing in the middle of the room next to his surrounded by clothes. Her face was red with anger and she was yelling.

"You bitch! You complete fucking bitch! How dare you touch my stuff!"

A girl standing near the front of the group was smirking, "Guess you shouldn't leave your door unlocked."

Evelyn looked like she'd been hit in the face, "I guess I didn't expect people to go through my things when I'm not here!"

The girl just laughed and walked away, the rest of the group merging away with her until only Ben and Craig were left surveying the scene.

"What?" Evelyn demanded, seeing them still standing.

"You ok?" Ben asked.

"Fine," she retorted.

"What happened?" Craig asked, bending down to pick up a shirt that was lying half-out the door.

Evelyn shrugged, "I came back and found everything all over the place. I thought I'd locked the door…" she ran a hand through her dark hair, "I mean, what is this, high school?"

Ben lifted a bra from the door handle and held it out to her. She took it from him and looked at him for a moment, "I know you. You let me go in front of you in the line."

He could see that she was about to cry, so he stepped back, knocking into Craig as he did so, "We'll…leave you alone…" Evelyn nodded and he closed the door behind him.

"Wow," Craig said, as they went back into Ben's room.

"Yeah," Ben mused, "Wow indeed."

SSSS

Half an hour later, as he was reading through some books for his classes the following day, there was a knock on the door. Opening it, he came face to face with Evelyn.

"Hi," she said, "I just wanted to say thank you for earlier."

"I didn't do anything."

"You didn't laugh at me, that's something." She held out her hand, "I'm Evelyn Sanderson."

"Ben Stone," he shook it, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she replied brightly, "Can't let one stupid bitch ruin the day for me. Not at school now."

Ben laughed, "That's true." He gestured inside the room, "Do you want to come in?" Evelyn looked past him into the room and paused. "Don't worry, I'm not going to throw things."

Evelyn laughed and her expression softened, "Ok." She stepped inside, "Nice," she observed, "Very…umm….minimalist."

"Yeah," he agreed, "I thought I'd brought a lot but when you look at it…" he pulled a chair out for her and she sat down.

"Thank you." He perched on the bed opposite her, "Where did your friend go?"

"Craig? Oh, he had to phone his folks. Which reminds me that I should phone mine."

Evelyn stood up, "I'll go."

"No, no, it's ok. I'll do it later," he waved her to sit back down, "Have you called your parents?"

"No."

She didn't say anything else, and Ben didn't press, "So, what classes are you taking?"

"Criminal, real estate, product liability and jurisprudence," she replied, "You?"

"The same, but not real estate. I'm doing family instead."

"Not interested in buying and selling then?"

"No," he replied honestly, "I don't see the appeal."

She smiled, but didn't say anything else. After a moment's silence, she stood up and headed for the door, "Well, it was nice to meet you. I suppose I'll see you in class."

"Guess so," Ben replied.

"Well, goodnight," Evelyn opened the door and closed it behind her. Ben watched the space where she had been in his room and couldn't help feeling a slight crackle of attraction.

SSSS

The following morning, Ben's first class was Criminal. Craig wasn't taking the class, but he remembered that Evelyn had said that she was, so he knocked on her door just before nine. There was no answer. He knocked again, but again there was no reply. Assuming she must have already gone to class, he made his way out of Hunter House and towards Vari Hall where lectures took place.

It was another old building and the lecture theatres were small. By the time Ben reached it, most seats were already taken, but he managed to find one near the front, hoping that he wouldn't get picked on by the lecturer. Glancing around, he was surprised to see no sign of Evelyn and was beginning to wonder if she was all right, when the door opened again and she came hurrying in. He smiled in her direction, but she didn't seem to see him and quickly took a seat at the other side of the room.

A few minutes later the door opened again and a man in his late fifties strode in. Thumping a pile of books down on the table, he surveyed the room. "Welcome to the fascinating world of criminal law," he greeted them. "Most of you probably think you know everything there is to know about the subject. You see it on TV, read about it in books…" he paused, "but trust me, you know nothing."

Ben looked over to where Evelyn was sitting, her book open in front of her. Her dark hair was falling forward over her face and she pushed it away so that he could see her profile.

After an hour's talk about crimes mala in se and malum prohibitum and the setting of the semester's coursework (a 10,000 word essay on a subject yet to be finalised) the lesson came to an end and the students began packing up.

Ben looked over again and saw Evelyn slowly put her things back in her bag. As she stood up, Nick Phillips pushed past her, knocking her book onto the floor. No-one picked it up, instead they continued to file past, wrapped up in themselves. Lifting his bag, he went over to where she was standing, lifted her book and put it on the table.

"Hi," he greeted her. She barely cracked a smile, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she snapped.

"Sorry," he was taken aback.

Evelyn fixed him with an icy stare, "You know something? Just because we had a conversation for all of two minutes once, doesn't mean that we're friends."

Ben looked back at her, feeling anger rising within him, "No I guess it doesn't. I'm sorry I bothered to inquire how you were."

"So you should be," she replied and with a toss of her hair, she walked away.

Ben watched her go, shaking his head. She was damn pretty, hell he'd even had a mild fantasy about screwing her when he'd been lying in bed unable to sleep the previous evening, but clearly there was only one conclusion to draw about her.

Evelyn Sanderson was a bitch. A bitch he should avoid at all costs. Years later, he would look back and wonder why he didn't take his own advice.


	3. Chapter 3

**December 1972**

The semester rolled on relentlessly and before Ben knew where he was, Thanksgiving was over and it was almost Christmas. Classes were tough. He wasn't sure quite what he had expected, but it wasn't as straightforward as he hoped. He was struggling in most subjects except for criminal. He adored the latter and knew instinctively it was where his future lay.

As much as he could, Ben avoided Evelyn. It wasn't difficult. In class, she never looked in his direction. She kept her head down and her mind seemingly on her own work. To his surprise, he never saw her with anyone else, with any friends. Then he wondered why he was so surprised given her attitude. Despite the fact she lived next door to him, again he never saw her in Hunter House.

On the Friday before the Christmas vacation, Ben was in the library researching for a paper that was due in January. The place was pretty quiet, most people either celebrating the upcoming festivities or already gone home. It wasn't hard, therefore, to notice people who were there and to his surprise, he caught sight of Evelyn on the other side of the library. She was sitting at a large desk by herself surrounded by books. Her head was down, her pen writing furiously on pads of paper that lay on the desk. Ben ignored her, instead concentrating on his own work, and he forgot she was even there until a shadow fell across his light. Glancing up, he saw Evelyn standing over him, holding some books in her arms.

"Hi," she greeted him quietly, so as not to disturb the other people.

"Hi," he replied, before looking back down at what he was doing.

"What are you working on?"

"Whitworth's assignment."

"Getting anywhere?" Ben looked up at her, "I'm only asking," she continued, seeing his expression, "Just making conversation."

"Didn't think you were interested in talking to me."

Evelyn laughed and the librarian looked over sharply, "You're not still annoyed at me about that are you?" She grinned at him, "I was just being ratty."

"Ratty?" he echoed her.

She nodded, "I'm sorry, I guess I should have said something a while back. But I figured you wouldn't hold it against me." She pulled out a chair and sat down, "So, how are you finding the assignment?"

Ben was momentarily silent, taking in what she had said. She was like a Jekyll and Hyde figure and clearly he was seeing the nice side. "It's hard," he said finally.

Evelyn laughed, "I bet that's not all that's hard, right?" she cocked her head on one side. Ben looked at her as if she was crazy, "I'm sorry," she said, "that was uncalled for."

"You…"

"I can be a little off the wall sometimes," she said, "anyway, what do you think about the assignment?"

"I'm not sure if I agree with Whitworth's analogy," Ben replied, "I think he's being a little one-sided."

"Maybe that's his point," she replied, "maybe he wants us to pick up on that and argue against it."

"Maybe."

"You don't sound convinced."

"He just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would like to be told he's wrong," Ben said.

"True," Evelyn replied, nodding slowly, "very true. Are you going home for Christmas?" she asked.

Ben nodded, "You?"

"No," she said.

"You're staying here?" he was surprised.

Evelyn nodded, "It'll be fun, having the whole place to myself."

"Don't your parents want to see you for the holidays?"

Her eyes grew hard, "It's more a case of me not wanting to see them." She stood up, "Well, thanks for the help. Have a nice vacation." She was gone before Ben could say anything more.

SSSS

Ben spent most of his vacation thinking about Evelyn alone on campus. She occupied his every waking moment, wondering how she was, curious as to why she was choosing to be alone. For two weeks he was surrounded by his family wanting to know all about what he was doing and how he was getting on. His mother was so proud, she kept going on about what a great lawyer he was going to be at the end of it all. By the time he was ready to return to school, Ben was almost sick with embarrassment.

The first thing he did when he got back to Hunter House was knock on Evelyn's door. She answered almost straight away and her face seemed to light up when she saw him.

"Hi," she greeted him warmly, "how was your vacation?"

"Fine," he replied, "how was yours?"

"Good. I got most of Whitworth's monster done." She held the door open, "Want to come in?"

"Sure," Ben replied, stepping inside. It was the first time he had been in her room and he was surprised to find how sparse it was. There were no posters of Donny Osmond, no teddy bears, nothing that would seem to epitomise the typical girl.

"Not what you were expecting?" she asked, catching his look.

"No," he said quickly, "I just…"

"It's ok," she rescued him, "It's not exactly homely, I know. But that's not really me anyway."

"I see," Ben said, "So, what did you make of it?"

"The assignment?" he nodded, "Don't tell me you want to pick my brain."

Ben laughed, "Something like that." He watched as she lifted a sheaf of papers from her desk, "It's not exactly neat and tidy. I'll probably lose marks for being scruffy."

They spent the next hour or so debating the points raised in the assignment and arguing good naturedly about everything from Whitworth's eclectic dress sense to politics.

"I'd better go," Ben said, checking his watch finally, "I've got some reading to do before class tomorrow."

"Thanks for coming," Evelyn said as she opened the door, "It was nice talking to you."

Ben paused at the door, "Why didn't you go home?"

Her smile dropped, "It's not something I want to discuss with you."

"Evelyn…"

"Why can't you just leave it alone?"

"Evelyn, I didn't mean…"

"Good night," she closed the door on him.

"Evelyn…" he called through the door, "Evelyn, I'm sorry." But there was no response.

SSSS

"What did you say to her?" Craig asked the next day as Evelyn strode past them in the corridor without so much as a smile.

Ben could have kicked himself. He'd lain awake the whole night angrily going over and over why he had said it. Couldn't he realise that some people just didn't like talking about their home lives?

"I asked why she didn't go home for the holidays."

"Ouch," Craig replied. "Why is that a no-no again?"

"Because she obviously didn't want to talk about it. We were getting on ok and then I had to go and open my big trap…" He shook his head, "She's never going to talk to me again now."

"What do you care?" Craig shrugged, "She's a bitch, you said so yourself."

"Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there's more to her than meets the eye."

"Oh please!" Craig rolled his eyes, "what's got you so hooked on her anyway?" Ben didn't say anything, "Have you got the hots for her?"

"No!" he replied quickly.

"Yeah right," Craig grinned knowingly, "I'll tell you something, it'll be a good one that keeps her in line."

SSSS

The knock at the door stopped Professor Whitworth in mid-flow and he glared angrily at the intruder, "Yes?"

"Evelyn Sanderson?" the petite female messenger said.

Ben looked over at Evelyn who looked up at the sound of her name.

"Sanderson!" Whitworth barked, gesturing at the door.

Evelyn left her seat and trotted down the steps to the door. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

"Did I say to stop working?" Whitworth growled, "Hurry up. I'll be going over your arguments in five minutes."

Everyone looked back down at what they were doing, but Ben kept his eyes on the door, waiting to see if she would return.

"Stone!" Whitworth yelled, "Do you have a problem?"

"No sir," Ben looked back down at the pad in front of him. They had been given a fictional case and were supposed to be working on some good arguments both for prosecution and defence, but Ben's mind was now firmly focused on Evelyn.

A few minutes later, the door opened again and Evelyn came back in. She spoke briefly to Whitworth who sighed heavily, "If you must I suppose."

"Thank you," Evelyn replied quietly before walking back up the stairs and lifting her books. Ben watched as she stuffed them into her bag and then walked back towards the door. As she made to open it, she glanced in his direction and he thought he could see the glint of a tear in her eye.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, I know you're reading this cause I can tell by the hits counter, and I'd love it if you'd leave a review when you read. Even if it's just a couple of words, positive or negative, it really encourages authors to keep going.**

Evelyn didn't reappear that day, or any day for the next two weeks. Ben scoured the hallways for her, thinking he saw her on numerous occasions only to find it was someone else entirely. He knocked on her bedroom door at least twice a day and each time was greeted by stony silence. At one point, he even contemplated going to the Dean to enquire as to where she had gone, but Craig had pointed out that there would be no way the Dean would tell him. All he could do was wait.

Finally, one night a fortnight later, as he lay in bed, Ben heard movement in the room next door and knew that Evelyn was back. Despite the fact it was almost midnight, he leapt out of bed, pulled on some clothes and hurried outside. He knocked on her door and waited. After a few moments, it was opened a crack and Evelyn appeared.

"Hey," he greeted her, "I heard you moving about." She didn't say anything, or open the door any wider, "I wondered if you were ok."

Evelyn pulled the door open wider and then walked back into her room. Ben pushed the door open, stepped inside and closed it behind him. The room was a mess, clothes and books everywhere. She had clearly been about to go to bed, her bedclothes were pulled back and she was wearing a faded t-shirt.

"When you disappeared from class I…" he began.

"I went home," she said quietly.

"Oh, right…" he stood uncomfortably at the door watching as she wandered around aimlessly before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I don't want to pry…"

Evelyn laughed mirthlessly, "Of course you don't."

"No, I seriously don't," he replied, "You don't have to tell me anything. I just wanted to make sure you were ok." He turned to open the door again.

"My brother died."

Ben turned back around, "Your brother?"

Evelyn nodded, "Danny."

"I'm sorry," he said, "was it expected?"

"No." She took a deep shuddering breath, "He was killed."

"Killed? Murdered?"

"Depends on how you look at it." She looked at him as he frowned, "Danny's always been a bit of a tearaway. He was always in trouble at school, got himself expelled twice. The last few years, he's been running with a bad crowd, you know, taking drugs, petty crime." She bit her lip, "He and some of his 'friends' decided they would rob a store. The police turned up and when they told Danny to put his hands up and turn around…" she swallowed hard, "he turned around too quickly and…the officer thought he had a gun…" she trailed off, "you can guess what happened next."

"They shot him?" She nodded, "I'm sorry."

"I guess I knew that something bad would happen to him some day."

"How are your parents taking it?"

Evelyn shrugged, "Hard to tell. They're a little more drunk than usual I suppose. I came back as soon as I could." She looked up at him, "Did I miss much?"

"No," he replied honestly, "I mean, Whitworth took in the assignments but I'm sure that he won't mind if you…" he broke off suddenly as Evelyn burst into tears. "Evelyn…" for a moment, he just stood looking at her, not sure what to do, then he sat down on the bed beside her and put his arm around her. She resisted his comfort for a while, but eventually, she put her head on his shoulder as she continued to sob.

Ben didn't say anything, instead, he just sat allowing her to cry, feeling the wetness of her tears dripping down onto his sweatshirt.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed finally, as her sobs subsided, "I didn't mean to…I mean I…"

"It's ok," he reassured her.

Evelyn pulled her head away from him and rubbed her eyes viciously, "I don't usually cry."

"About anything?"

"About anything." She smiled wanly, "thank you."

"No problem," he told her, "you should…try and get some sleep." He stood up and moved towards the door. Then he paused and turned back, "Would you like to have lunch tomorrow?"

Evelyn nodded, "Sure, I'd like that."

"Good," he nodded, "Good night."

"Good night Ben," she said softly.

Ben opened the door, slipped out and went back into his own room. As he lay staring at the ceiling, he heard her moving around for a little while longer before it all went quiet.

SSSS

"So, what did Whitworth say?" Ben asked her the following day as they sat in one of the cafes having lunch.

"Well…" Evelyn put down her sandwich, "after he grumbled about me taking time off for no good reason…" she spread her hands as if to say, 'what the hell,' "he said that he would mark my assignment but that I could expect to lose some marks as a matter of course."

"That's not really fair."

"I know," she replied, "but I can't argue with him I suppose."

"You mean you didn't even try?" Ben was surprised.

"Well I tried to explain about Danny but he didn't want to know. I don't really have the energy to take it any further." She sighed heavily and ran a hand over her eyes.

"Are you ok? You look shattered."

"I didn't sleep too well last night," she admitted, "all I can think about is…well…Danny."

"That's understandable."

"You think?"

Ben nodded, "You know, my father died when I was seventeen," he told her, "drank himself to death."

"I'm sorry."

"For months I worried about what I could have done. Could I have stopped him? Was there something I could have said?" he sighed, "After a while you realise there's nothing you could have done and you…let it go."

Evelyn nodded, "Danny and I, we weren't really that close, not for a few years. Seems as though I barely knew him at all." She looked at Ben, "I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me."

"It's all right."

"I suppose you know that I don't really have a lot of friends."

Ben paused, "You know you can always hang with Craig and me. If you don't mind hanging with two guys that is."

Evelyn grinned, "You're very sweet, Ben." At that moment, she seemed to remember something and glanced at her watch, "Shit, I'm going to have to go. I've got an appointment with Nicholls about my product liability assignment."

"Good luck," Ben said.

She made a face, "No doubt I'll need it. I guess I'll see you later?"

"Guess you will." Ben watched as she made her way out of the café, allowing his gaze to linger on her bottom. "Get a grip, Stone," he chided himself.

SSSS

It was a cold, snowy night, the wind biting. Anyone with half a brain was tucked up in their rooms with a hot chocolate or a warm body. Ben, on the other hand, had decided to spend some time in the library going over some last minute research for his family law assignment. At eight o'clock, he put his last book back, lifted his things and began making his way back across the campus. It was dark and the lights cast only a slight glow on the path as he walked back towards Hunter House. He thought he might pay a quick visit to Evelyn before turning in.

His mind was focused so much on that task that when a snowball hit him from behind, he was taken quite by surprise. Turning round quickly, he saw Nick Phillips and a couple of his cronies standing a few feet away.

"Sorry," Nick said, "Didn't see you there." Not wanting to get embroiled in a fight, Ben simply turned and continued on his way. "Hey!" Nick called after him. He stopped again and turned back around, "It's customary to say it's all right when someone apologises."

"If I thought you meant it, I would," Ben replied. He started to walk away.

The next thing he knew, he was being shoved from behind and he turned around to see Nick right up in his face.

"What did you say?" Nick demanded.

"I said, if I thought you meant your apology, I would have said it was all right." Ben's heart was thumping in his chest but he was determined not to let Philips see it.

"That's what I thought you said," Nick said, "I just wanted to check." Then he suddenly head-butted Ben, sending him sprawling onto the ground.

Ben was winded, and when he lifted his hand and touched his face, there was blood on his fingers. He sat on the ground, looking up at Nick.

"Oh dear," Nick said, "looks like that pretty face is a little messed up now Stone." Ben hauled himself to his feet and stood facing his attacker, "Guess the lovely Evelyn won't be as interested in you now." He cocked his head on one side, "maybe I should go mess up _her _pretty little face too, then you can be a pair."

At the thought of this…bastard…touching Evelyn, Ben felt a rage build inside him and he lunged at Nick who, surprised, stumbled back and fell onto the ground. Ben started raining blows down on him, and he seemed to be gaining the upper hand until he felt strong arms pulling him off. They spun him around and he felt another blow to his head, then another and another as Nick's friends jumped in to help their captain. It seemed to go on forever, until eventually, the blows stopped and he could hear the sound of running feet as they made their escape.

He wasn't sure how long he had been lying there, but eventually, Ben managed to haul himself to his feet and stumble along the path towards Hunter House. The foyer was deserted, although he could hear the sounds of laughter coming from the common room. Grabbing onto the banister for support, he managed to pull himself up the stairs to the first floor and along to Evelyn's door.

"Oh my God, Ben!" she exclaimed when she opened the door and saw his face, "Oh my God, what happened?" She helped him into her room and sat him down on the bed, "Ben…"

"Phillips," he managed to say finally through the blood and initial swelling, "…jumped me."

"Oh my God," she said again, "Stay there." She jumped up, threw the door open and ran down the hallway. Ben fell onto his side onto the bed and tried to control his breathing. His lungs were burning and he felt as though he was going to be sick. A few moments later, Evelyn returned with a basin of water and a cloth. "Here, sit up," she told him, "can you sit up?" She helped him into a seating position and started to unbutton his coat. "You need to take your sweater off too," she told him, and despite his moans of pain, she gently eased it off of him. Then she dipped the cloth in the water and started to gently wash away the blood, "What did you say to them?" she asked.

"Nothing," he replied thickly.

"Surely they didn't jump you for no reason," she said, "although knowing Phillips…" she shuddered, "Sorry," she apologised as he winced.

"Said…said he was going to…to hurt you," Ben said finally.

Evelyn paused and looked at him, "You should have just walked away."

"I tried," he pointed out.

"You don't need to defend me."

"Yes I do," he said.

Evelyn sighed as she dabbed some antiseptic lotion onto another cloth and touched the scrapes and scratches, "You should go to the police."

"After what they did to Danny?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she said angrily, "it's not the same thing. Just because of what happened to Danny doesn't mean I've lost all faith in the cops. Ben…" she paused and looked at him, "Phillips can't get away with it."

"He will," Ben said, "his father will see to that."

"At least let me call a doctor." He shook his head, "You could have fractured ribs or internal bleeding, anything."

Ben lay back down on the bed, "I'll go to the infirmary tomorrow." At that, a hazy feeling overtook him and he fell fast asleep. In his dreams, Phillips was chasing him and he in turn was chasing Evelyn. On and on they ran, faster and faster, his lungs were burning and his eyes streaming and he couldn't seem to catch her…

He woke with a startled gasp, his breathing shallow and raspy. The room was dark and for a moment, he couldn't remember where he was. Then he felt someone move next to him and Evelyn pushed herself up onto her side.

"It's ok, Ben," she told him, "it was just a dream. You're ok." She stroked his forehead gently, "you're fine."

"Evelyn…" he gasped, "Evelyn…"

"I'm here," she told him, "I'm here." She kissed his face, "I'm right here." With that, she put her arms around him and pulled him to her, allowing his head to rest just above her chest. Despite his pain, Ben couldn't help feeling the first stirrings of arousal in his abdomen, but before he could act on them, he was asleep again.


	5. Chapter 5

"What the hell happened to you?" Craig demanded when he surveyed Ben the following morning. Having not gotten any answer at his friend's door, he had knocked on Evelyn's, only to be greeted by someone who looked more like a puffed up whale than a person.

"Phillips," Evelyn filled him in quickly.

"I've told you before, Ben," Craig said, "that white knight act of yours will get you nowhere. What are you going to do?"

"Nothing," Ben replied, rubbing his jaw.

"I've got a good mind to go and give him what for," Evelyn said darkly from where she was sitting on the edge of the easy chair.

"No Evelyn, don't," Ben pulled himself up into a sitting position.

"She's not going to," Craig said, "wouldn't want to upstage you, would she?" He grinned at Ben, who managed a small smile in return. "So I take it you're not coming to class then?"

"I most certainly am," Ben tried to stand up, but the pain was too great and he slumped back onto the bed.

"You're not going anywhere," Evelyn told him sternly, "You're staying right here."

"Hear that?" Craig raised his eyebrows, "Florence Nightingale has spoken."

"Shut up," Evelyn said crossly. "Go and take notes for us."

"Both of you?" Craig looked between them.

"Someone's got to keep an eye on him," Evelyn said.

SSSS

Later that afternoon, Craig returned with a fistful of notes which Evelyn promised to copy. He also was the bearer of bad news. "Kellerman stopped me in the corridor and asked me about why you haven't been going to real estate lectures."

Evelyn rolled her eyes, "Maybe because every time he opens his mouth he puts me to sleep."

"You've been skipping class?" Ben asked.

"Oh don't sound so holier than thou," she flapped her hands at him, "haven't you ever decided you have something better to do than listen to some old coot rambling on about how the dawning age of the seventies is going to affect the housing market? Oh no, you wouldn't, seeing as you were smart enough not to take the class."

"Well, he said he wanted to see you. God only knows how he knew I knew you," Craig replied.

"Great," Evelyn muttered, "anyway," she changed the subject, "You and I…" she pointed at Ben, "are going to the infirmary."

He protested weakly, but she insisted and half an hour later, he was being prodded and poked by a disapproving nurse who seemed to find fault with everything, "You young boys," she declared, "I don't know why you get into these stupid fights."

Ben wanted to point out that he hadn't exactly volunteered, but he found he didn't have the energy.

"You really should go to a hospital," she told him, "but I don't think anything's broken. You'll just need to take it easy for a few days. You'll be sore though, mark my words."

"What did she say?" Evelyn asked, when he re-emerged.

"That I need a drink," he told her. They made their way to the bar, Evelyn slowing her pace so as he could keep up. When they got there, the place was crowded and one of the first people Ben clapped eyes on was Phillips.

"We can go somewhere else," Evelyn told him, but he refused. He wasn't about to let some jerk like Nick Phillips make him afraid to venture onto the campus. They took a table at the far corner and Evelyn went to the bar.

Ben sat, his back to the wall, trying hard not to look at Phillips, but finding it hard to look impassive under the other man's gaze. Eventually, Phillips sauntered over and leant against one of the chairs.

"Don't look so good, Stone. In a bit of pain?" Ben didn't say anything, "Looks like someone roughed you up a bit. Who could that be I wonder?"

"Back off," Evelyn said, reappearing with two beers. She pushed past Phillips and sat down in the other vacant seat.

He looked at her in amusement, "I'm sorry Sanderson. I didn't realise you and Stone were so…close." Evelyn didn't say anything. "When did this happen?" Still neither of them spoke. "What's she like, Ben? I bet she's a real tiger in the bedroom…"

Ben was on his feet before he could stop himself, but pain shot through him and he had to sit back down again. He needn't have worried however, as Evelyn squared up to Phillips.

"Why don't you run off and play with yourself," she retorted.

There was a low murmur from the tables nearby.

Phillips came right up close to her, "What did you say?"

"I said, go play with yourself," she repeated, "let's face it, it's the only action you're likely to get."

Phillips looked as if he was about to hit Evelyn, but one of his mates pulled him back, "Let it go, man. She's not worth it."

Phillips allowed himself to be propelled away, "Don't mess with me, Sanderson, I'm warning you!"

"Yeah, yeah," Evelyn muttered under her breath. She looked at Ben, who was sitting in silence, looking at her with new found respect, "I have brothers," she replied simply.

SSSS

**May 1973**

**Four months later**

The end of year one was nigh and there was a frisson of tension roaming the campus. The exams were looming and Ben spent every spare moment he could in the library revising. Sometimes Evelyn joined him, sometimes she studied alone in her room. While he enjoyed her company, he preferred it when she wasn't there. At least then, he could keep his mind on the task in front of him, instead of wondering what it would be like to kiss her. Her mood had changed slightly over the last few months too. Having finally thought he had broken through her shell of anger and spite to find the sincere person within, he was partly dismayed to see the return of her closed expression and sarcastic comments. Only partly, however, as most of the time he spent worrying about whether or not he was going to pass.

The Saturday night before the first criminal exam, Ben spent most of the early part of the evening in the library, going over some last minutes cases. He was determined to apply for the apprenticeship at the District Attorney's office in New York. He had enjoyed Whitworth's classes and knew that was where he saw his future.

When he left the library, his mind wandered to Evelyn and what she was doing. When he walked into Hunter House, he was thinking about seeing if she wanted to go for a drink, only to trip over someone's legs just inside the door. Catching himself, he looked down and saw, to his surprise, Evelyn slumped against the doorframe.

"Evelyn?"

She looked up at him bleary-eyed, "Hi Ben."

He crouched down beside her and could immediately smell the alcohol. "Are you ok?" he ventured carefully.

"I'm going to fail," she sobbed, bursting into tears.

"What?"

"I'm going to fail," she repeated, "Whitworth…" she flung some papers at him and he saw it was her predicted grades. Under everything but product liability there were the words 'predicted fail."

"You're not going to fail," Ben comforted her, after he'd scanned the page. "You'll pick it up in the exams."

"Three predicted fails!" she declared, "I'm flunking everything!" she put her head in her hands.

"Evelyn, it's just a prediction," he told her, "Come on," he helped her up and she staggered against him, "let's get you back." Putting his arm around her waist, he guided her up the stairs towards her room. Every so often, she stumbled, almost taking him down with her, but he held onto her. "Give me your key," he said, when they reached the door.

Evelyn fumbled around with her jacket pocket, swinging between laughter and tears as she tried to find the elusive key. Eventually, Ben looked for himself and finally found it lodged halfway down a hole in the inside of her coat. Pulling it out, he jammed it in the door and pushed it open.

Once inside, Evelyn fell forward onto the bed and lay on her stomach, laughing. Ben put her key down on her desk and turned to the door, "Get some rest."

"No, no!" she said, turning over onto her back, "Stay. I need someone to talk to."

"All right," he replied, "but only for ten minutes, otherwise you won't be able to get up in the morning and you really _will _fail."

"Ok, Dad," she said, and then promptly burst into tears again.

Ben sighed as he went and stood at the window, "There's more to this than just your grades, isn't there?"

"Like what?" she asked, wiping her eyes furiously.

"Danny?" She shook her head, "Then what?"

Evelyn sniffed and ran a hand through her hair, "If I'm not careful, I'll end up just like them."

"Like who?"

"My parents. Drunks."

"Ah." Ben knew all too well what that was like, "they drink a lot?"

"They're alcoholics, Ben. Both of them." She looked up at him, her face red and blotchy, "You said your old man was one too."

He nodded, "Used to drink every lunchtime and at night too."

"He ever beat your mom?"

"No, he was a pathetic drunk, not an angry one." He paused, "Yours?"

She nodded, "But they're both as bad as each other. He hits her, she hits him…just one big happy family. You know, my father hasn't worked in years. I've lost count of the number of times we've almost been evicted."

Ben came and crouched down in front of her, "You don't have to be a part of that life if you don't want to. You're here, at Harvard. You're going to become a lawyer…"

"Spoken like a true little rich boy," she spat.

"Rich boy?" he echoed, straightening up again and fixing her with a look of amazement, "I never claimed to be that, Evelyn, not once. We're not rich, we never have been. My father died when he was thirty-eight. Not a whole lot of time to make money. But if you want to think that, that's up to you." He headed for the door.

"Ben, I'm sorry!" she called, "please, please don't go." Ben stopped at the door and turned back around. "I'm sorry. Everything…everything's just such a mess right now…" she put her head in her hands again.

"Evelyn…" his tone was gentler, "maybe you should talk to one of the counsellors."

"You think I'm crazy?" her voice was muffled.

"No, but what with everything that's been going on, it's no wonder you're a little depressed."

"I'm not depressed!"

"Down then," he reasoned, "and you know that drinking yourself into a state won't help."

Evelyn pulled her hands away from her face and looked at him, tears slowly trickling down her cheeks, "How did you get to be so wise?" she asked him quietly.

Ben laughed, "I'm not any wiser than you."

"Make love to me."

He wasn't sure he had heard right, and he frowned, his brow creasing, "What?"

"Make love to me," she said it again, her voice shaking slightly.

"Evelyn…" he shook his head.

"You don't want to?" there was a note of accusation in her tone.

"Oh, Evelyn…" Ben sighed, "I want to, I want to more than anything…"

"But?"

"But, it wouldn't be fair on you. You're emotional, you're upset, you're drunk…I can't take advantage of you like that."

"Take advantage?" she said, tears spilling down her cheeks again, "You think I'm some poor little weak kid who can't make a decision for herself? Who can't decide when she wants somebody and when she doesn't?"

"You're in a place right now where you feel lost and…"

"Don't psychoanalyse me!" she shouted at him, "I don't want to know what you think about my mental state. I just want you to take me and hold me and…"

"I'm not going to do it, Evelyn," he told her, "despite the fact that every fibre in my being is telling me to come over there and make love to you, I'm not going to do it." He opened the door, "I'm sorry." He closed it behind him just in time to avoid a heavy book which slammed against the wood.

"I hate you, Stone!" he heard Evelyn scream after him.

Ben closed his own door and threw himself down on his bed, letting out a long shuddering sigh as he did so. He had been so close. Just a little push in the other direction and he could have been with her right now, moving inside her, experiencing the pleasure he was sure would be forthcoming. But it would have been wrong, wouldn't have been fair. When they made love, he wanted it to be right for both of them, not as an escape for Evelyn from her unhappiness.

"When, not if," his conscience said loudly, "You said when, not if."

"When," he said to no-one in particular, "not if."


	6. Chapter 6

"You have two hours in which to write the exam. Turn over your papers, you may now begin."

The sound of a hundred pages being turned echoed through the room as the final exam of the year got under way. Ben stared down at the writing on the page and then stole a glance at everyone else in the room. Craig was sitting with his pen between his teeth looking thoroughly confused, Nick Phillips was writing furiously on his answer sheet and Evelyn…Evelyn was staring into space as if she hadn't heard what had been said. Ben watched her for a while, silently willing her to start writing, to try and prove all of the predicted grades wrong. For five whole minutes, he waited and then, to his relief, she turned over her paper and started scanning it.

Ben felt as if he could finally concentrate now, so he turned his attention back to the paper in front of him and for the next two hours was lost in the minefield of jurisprudence. The time flew past and he was stunned when the examiner declared the exam was over. Letting out a long, shaky sigh, he put his pen down and handed his paper in, before stretching and telling himself that his first year at Harvard was now over.

"Well?" Craig asked, appearing beside his desk, "What did you think?"

"It was ok," Ben replied, watching as Evelyn hurriedly left the exam room, "You?"

Craig made a face, "Could have done better I think. But, it's all over now." He grinned, "You heading home right away?"

"After I pack."

"There's a gathering in the bar, you want to come?"

Hoping that he might have a chance to see Evelyn, Ben agreed and the two of them followed the crowd across campus. Everyone was in high spirits, glad that the exam, and the year, was finally over and discussing what they were doing for summer vacation.

"You planning on doing anything exciting?" Craig asked as they waited to be served/

Ben shook his head, "Need to get a job I suppose."

"Me too. Not that I'm looking forward to manual labour again."

"You should try for an office job," Ben said, "some of the bigger firms do summer placements."

"I've just spent a whole year doing law, you think I want to spend my summer doing it too?"

Ben didn't answer. He had just caught a fleeting glimpse of Evelyn as she left the bar, "Get me a beer," he ordered, pushing out of the line.

"Sure," Craig said to no-one, "No problem."

Ben raced to the door and out into the blistering heat of the city's current heat wave. Evelyn was a few feet in front of him and he called out her name. She turned, but when she saw it was him, she kept walking.

"Evelyn!" he called again, running to catch up with her, "Wait!"

"What do you want, Ben?" she asked, continuing to walk as he fell into step beside her.

"How did you find it?" he asked.

"Fine. Was there something else?"

"I just…" he fought for the right words, "we haven't really had a chance to talk since…" Since the night he'd turned her down. "I just wondered what you were planning on doing for the holidays."

"This and that."

"Can you be a little more specific?" he asked with a chuckle.

"No," she stopped and faced him, "I can't. Why won't you ever learn, Ben?"

He was confused, "Learn what?"

Evelyn sighed heavily, "You don't want to be involved with me. You don't want to be my friend. I'm not the kind of person…" she broke off, "I'm just not." She started walking again.

"Hey," he grabbed her arm to stop her and she swung around to face him, her expression one of anger.

"Don't touch me!" she said furiously, "You had your chance once and you blew it, so don't touch me!"

"I'm sorry," he tried to placate her, "I _do_ want to be your friend." She looked at him dubiously, "Why don't you at least give me a number I can reach you at over the holidays?"

Evelyn shook her head, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, I just can't."

"Ok, fine." He pulled a scrap of paper and a pen from his pocket and quickly scribbled something on it. "Here's my number." He thrust it at her, "Give me a call and we can…you know…maybe meet up."

She took it from him and looked at it before stuffing it into her pocket. "Thank you."

"Have a good summer," he said lamely, for he didn't know what else to say. "I'll see you in September."

Evelyn met his gaze, her eyes like huge pools, tears hovering not far from the surface. She nodded sadly, "Goodbye Ben." Then she stepped forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.

It was the briefest of moments, but for Ben, time seemed to stand still. All he could hear was a buzzing in his ears and all he could feel was the warm pressure of her lips against his. He reached out to take her in his arms, but she stepped back, and with a final look, she hurried away.

SSSS

Summer dragged for Ben, long, hot and boring. He had got himself a job with an old friend of his father's who ran a printing business. He told himself it was good experience of office life, but he hated getting up every morning and relished the ride home at night. The first question he always asked his mother when he came home was "did anyone call?" Once she had said yes, and his heart had leapt thinking that Evelyn had been in touch. But it had turned out only to be Craig, who was working on his uncle's farm in Oklahoma and had apparently met the woman of his dreams at a barn dance. Ben wished with all his might that Evelyn had given him a number. He had taken the phone directory out one evening and scanned through all the Sandersons' in the Cambridge area, but there were hundreds, and he didn't even know her father's name. Then he went to the library and searched newspaper clippings about Danny Sanderson's murder, but again, nothing.

"What exactly are you looking for?" his mother asked him, despairing of the fact that her son didn't seem keen to accompany her to family occasions where she could boast of his achievements. He had received straight A's in his results, but even that sense of relief and happiness was overshadowed by concern for Evelyn.

"You know, Melanie Jones is back from her semester in Europe," his mother told him one night at the dinner table.

"Who's Melanie Jones?" he had asked.

"Your Aunt Lily's next door neighbour's daughter," Mrs Stone had reminded him, "you know, the blonde?"

"Oh right."

"Ben…" she had sighed, "one of these days you're going to have to find yourself a girl, before all the good ones get snapped up."

He had thought about her words, thought about his future. Yes, he wanted to be married some day with a family and no, he didn't know if that future involved Evelyn, but there were so many thoughts and feelings unexpressed in their relationship that he knew he couldn't contemplate anyone else until he had straightened things out with her.

September couldn't come fast enough, and when it did, Ben left home as quickly as possible to drive back to Harvard. His mind was buzzing with excitement at what he was going to say to her and the drive seemed endlessly long. When he arrived, it was a replay of exactly a year earlier, except he knew exactly where he was going this time and who he wanted to see.

Parking outside Hunter House, he jumped out of the car, grabbed one of his bags and tore inside. He hoped and prayed that she had arrived before him. He wasn't sure he could stand hanging around waiting for her.

Ben took the stairs two at a time, feeling his heart thud louder and louder as he reached the landing. He dropped his hastily packed rucksack, the contents spilling out onto the floor and he scrambled around to pick them up. Clutching them in his arms, he hurried forward and threw them down outside his room. Then he sidestepped and banged loudly on Evelyn's. It was going to be different this year, he could feel it. There was no reply, so he knocked again, louder, until eventually, the door was thrown over and a short, chubby blonde glared at him.

"What's your beef?" she demanded from behind thick glasses.

Ben paused and glanced at the number on the door, as if by some strange occurrence he had managed to knock on the wrong door. But no, there it was. 12C.

"I'm…" he faltered, "I'm looking for Evelyn Sanderson. This is her room."

"No it isn't," the blonde replied, "it's mine, and I'm busy." With that, she slammed the door in his face.

Ben stood for a moment looking at the wood and then walked back to his own room, opening the door and dumping his bag inside. He looked around it, drinking in the familiarity, and yet couldn't help but wonder where Evelyn was. He knocked on Craig's door, but his friend hadn't yet returned, so he walked around the campus, going into all the places he thought she could be and coming up empty handed. By the time he had taken all his belongings out of the car abnd put them back in his room, Craig had arrived.

"Wow," he said when Ben told him, "Do you think she switched rooms?"

"She hates me that much?" Ben asked, not wanting to believe it.

Craig mused for a moment. "You could always go to the Deans office. They must have a list of everyone's rooms."

"But will they give it to me?" Ben asked.

"They might," Craig replied, "if you ask nicely."

SSSS

The stuffy looking secretary at the Deans office told them in no uncertain terms that they could not see the list of rooms as it would 'violate privacy,'

"Privacy my ass!" Ben declared angrily.

"Come on, Ben," Craig said touching his friend's arm lightly.

"I just want to know where she is," he said, trying not to sound too desperate.

"She'll show up in class tomorrow," Craig reassured him, then you can ask here where the hell she lives now."

Ben nodded and allowed himself to be taken away from the office and back to Hunter House. He didn't sleep that night, wondering why Evelyn had chosen to move rooms, why she wanted to be far away from him. She had kissed him hadn't she?

The following morning, he raced to the first criminal class of the new term and surveyed the rest of the students as they entered, hoping to catch a glimpse of Evelyn. But she never appeared. After class, as he prepared to hurry off to search the campus for her again, Whitworth stopped him.

"I hear from your careers adviser that you're going to be applying for the DA's office," the older man said.

"Yes sir."

"A good choice. You're one of my best students, Stone. It would be their grave loss were they to turn you down."

"Thank you sir," Ben replied. He made to leave and then turned back, "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if you knew why Evelyn Sanderson wasn't in class today."

Whitworth looked up from his papers and shook his head, "Now there's one who won't make anything of herself if she doesn't buck up her ideas." He sighed heavily, "Perhaps it's just as well."

"Just as well what?"

"That she didn't come back."

"To class?" Ben asked, his heart thumping hard in his chest.

"To Harvard," Whitworth replied, "Miss Sanderson has dropped out."


	7. Chapter 7

**May 1974**

**One Year Later**

"Today, is a memorable day. Today, you go forth from this educational establishment and take your place amongst the cream of society's legal professionals. Today, is the beginning of the rest of your lives. Some of you may have found it easy, others may have found it hard, but you have all finally made it and for that fact alone, you should be proud of yourselves." The Dean smiled at all of the people gathered in front of him, "Congratulations."

The large room erupted with the sound of clapping and cheers as the class of 1974 prepared to graduate and leave Harvard forever. Ben joined them, but his enthusiasm was far dampened by the absence of one person in particular. Evelyn.

After Whitworth's revelation that Evelyn had dropped out completely, Ben had spent the best part of six weeks trying desperately to find her. He had repeated the searches he had carried out over his summer vacation, even going as far as trying to track down the cops who had dealt with her brother's case. They had practically laughed him out of the station.

"This is stupid, Ben," Craig had said finally, "You're never going to find her."

Ben hadn't wanted to agree with his friend, but as time passed, he had begun to realise that he was right. It didn't matter how hard he looked, if Evelyn didn't want to be found then she wouldn't be. He had applied for, and got, the apprenticeship with the DA's office in New York and was due to start on July 1st. As the year had progressed, he had allowed himself to get more excited about the prospect of his future, about moving to New York and starting again, but Evelyn was always at the back of his mind. Even when he walked across the stage to get his diploma, he was thinking about her.

"I'm so proud!" Kathryn Stone blubbered covering him with kisses when he met up with her at the end of the ceremony, "You've done so well!"

"Thanks," he replied, watching as Senator Phillips gave his son a manly handshake. Nick looked over in his direction and sneered at him, no doubt thinking he had contributed to Evelyn leaving.

The days and weeks that followed graduation went by in a flash. He spent a couple of days just hanging around the house, listening to music, trying to put her from his mind and reading the real estate ads from New York. His mother had made the ludicrous suggestion that he could commute, but Ben had vetoed that straight off. He was twenty-seven years old, it was time he struck out on his own.

The first few apartments he had circled, he visited on a weekend trip to the city. But none of them were particularly appealing. Grotty and cramped with landlords who wore coffee stained white tank tops. Not what he had envisioned. As July 1st grew closer, he began to despair of ever finding somewhere, until Craig mentioned that his uncle was looking to rent out his apartment in the city. Ben jumped at the chance and was glad he had. It was small, but it was clean and Craig's uncle was also a lawyer, so he knew he was in good hands. As he sat in the living room the night before his first day at the DA's office, Ben felt as though he had finally come home.

SSSS

His first day didn't go well. He got a ticking off from his boss, ADA Patrick Bowyer for a case summary he had written. Bowyer claimed it had too arrogant a standpoint, and that Ben, being a new start, should learn a little humility. Ben had been stunned. He had never considered himself as arrogant, but after Patrick's rebuke, he began to wonder.

Days two, three and four didn't go well either. Neither did weeks one to six. Nothing he did seemed to be right and if he was honest, he was about to throw in the towel when DA Alfred Wentworth called him into his office last thing on a Friday night.

"Sit down Ben," he said, gesturing to one of the chairs in his office.

"Thank you sir," Ben replied.

"So," Alfred regarded him from his desk, "How are you finding it here?"

Ben paused, wondering whether he should lie and claim everything was great, or tell the truth and badmouth a senior member of staff.

"You don't have to say anything," Alfred spoke for him, "I can see by your face."

"I'm sorry sir," Ben said, "I didn't mean…"

"Forget it. It's not you." Alfred came and leant on the edge of his desk, "We put all our new boys with Bowyer. It's a way of weeding out the men from the boys. He's the toughest guy to please in this office, tougher even than me." He smiled, "But if you keep your nose clean, listen to what he says and learn from it, you'll do just fine." He walked around his desk again, "I've been hearing good things about you, Ben."

"You have?"

Alfred smiled, "Bowyer knows how to play the game too." He lifted a case file from his desk and tossed it to Ben. "Read this over the weekend. Give me your opinion first thing Monday morning."

"Yes sir," Ben replied. As he left the office, he felt much better.

SSSS

That weekend, he poured over the case file, taking copious notes, wanting to make absolutely sure he got everything down for Wentworth. He was so engrossed in it that it took a good few minutes for him to realise that the phone was ringing.

"Hello?" he said, picking it up. At first, there was no reply, only the sound of static. "Hello?" he tried again.

"Ben?"

The voice was faint, but he recognised it instantly, "Evelyn?"

She let out a long shuddering sigh at her end, "Yeah."

"How did you…Where are you? Are you all right?" He had a million questions.

"I'm…" she broke off, "No, stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked, confused.

"Not you," she replied hurriedly, "hey, I said knock it off!"

"Evelyn?"

"Stop it!" she shouted again.

"Evelyn, what's going on?" Ben demanded.

"I can't…Ben!" she sounded desperate.

"Where are you?" he asked again, this time shouting it at her, "Evelyn, where…?"

"Ben, Ben I'm in Times Square! Ben…" the line went dead.

"Evelyn? Evelyn!" he shouted to thin air. "My God." Slamming the phone down, he grabbed his car keys and ran out the door into the driveway and jumped in his car. Gunning the engine he flew backward out onto the street and tore down the road in the direction of Times Square. She was in New York, in the city. She was so close to him…

The traffic was heavy and to his frustration, there were jams all the way in. He could barely sit still, beeping his horn every two seconds until the guy in the car in front turned round and gave him the finger. Ben hoped against all hope that she wasn't in trouble, that nothing had happened to her. He would never forgive himself if it had.

Parking near Times Square was virtually impossible and he had to settle for 34th and Broadway. Jumping out of the car he raced up Broadway as fast as he could go, desperately scanning the busy streets for any sign of a familiar face.

"Evelyn!" he yelled, although his voice was swallowed up by the beeping of car horns, the sound of music and people yelling, "Evelyn!" People pushed past him, intent on going about there business. He was pushed back against a phone booth and felt a sharp pain in his back, but it didn't deter him, "Evelyn!"

Ben roamed the nearby streets for the best part of an hour, constantly calling her name, stopping people and asking if they had seen a woman in her mid-twenties with long dark hair. One guy had immediately pointed out four women fitting the description, and he began to see it as a futile task.

When he was about ready to give up, he stopped and stood, his hands on his hips, not knowing what to do next, when he heard someone calling his name. The voice…it sounded just like Evelyn…

"Ben!" he heard her scream again and he swung around to his left, in time to see her standing on the opposite kerb. Without any thought for the busy evening traffic she ran across the street and threw herself into his arms. "Ben…" she buried her face in his neck and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"It's ok, Evelyn. You're ok. I've got you." He made to pull back to look at her face, but she continued to hold onto him, seemingly reluctant to let him go. Eventually, she did pull back and he took in her tear-stained face "Oh, Evelyn…" Before he could say anything else, she kissed him. He didn't resist, holding her to him, his mouth gently exploring hers until he thought he was going to run out of air. When they broke apart, she shivered.

"It's cold," she said simply.

Despite the fact it was roughly eighty degrees, Ben didn't want to argue with her, so he took off his sweater and handed it to her. She wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Thanks."

"Come on," he said, "my car's parked not far. I'm taking you home."

"Not to my house," she said worriedly, "please…"

"It's all right," he reassured her, "I'll take you to mine."

"No," she said, just as forcefully, "No, I…I don't want that."

"Ok," he scrambled around for a compromise, "how about a motel?" It sounded like he was trying to get her into bed, but if it came across that way, it was lost on Evelyn. She nodded.

"Ok."

SSSS

"Evelyn?" he said quietly as he pulled up outside the first motel he had seen since they left the city, "Evelyn, we're here."

She looked as if she was just hearing him, "What?"

"I said we're here."

She looked out of the front window at the building in front of her, "Right."

"Come on," he opened his door and got out. She sat completely still, as she had done for the whole ride out, so he walked around to her side of the car, opened the door and held out his hand, "Evelyn?"

She let him guide her out of the car and towards the reception area where he quickly asked for a room. Evelyn stood at the door, her back to him, the light evening breeze causing her hair to blow slightly around her shoulders. When he'd got the room key, he touched her on the shoulder, causing her to jump.

"I've got the key."

She nodded and didn't protest when he put his arm around her waist to steady her as they walked past the rooms until they reached the one they'd been allocated. Ben put the key in the door, opened it and let her go in first. She switched on the light and the room was bathed in a sickly yellow glow.

"It's not paradise but it'll have to do," he told her.

"It's fine," she replied quietly, sitting down on the edge of one of the two single beds.

Ben closed and locked the door and crossed the room to sit on the other bed. For a moment, he didn't say anything, just sat and watched her. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked finally.

Evelyn raised her head and looked at him, "Which part?"

"All of it. Where you've been for the last year? Why you dropped out? What happened tonight?"

"You graduated. Congratulations. I saw your name in the paper." She made no move to answer any of his questions.

"Damn it, Evelyn!" he declared angrily, standing up and pacing the room, "Do you have any idea what it's been like for the last year? I didn't know where you were! You could have been dead for all I knew."

"I might as well have been," she replied.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he threw back, "you don't mean that."

"Thank you for coming to get me," she changed the subject.

Ben shook his head, realising that he wasn't going to get anywhere with her tonight. "Well I'm going to bed. You do whatever the hell you want." He pulled off his sweater and pants so that he was dressed only in his underwear. Then he yanked the covers off the bed, climbed in and lay down. "Turn the light off when you turn in." He didn't sleep, couldn't, with the light blazing through the room. He was determined not to turn over though. He didn't want to look at her. Finally, twenty minutes or so later, the light went off.

"I dropped out because I was going to fail." Her voice came through the darkness, "Why bother going back?"

Ben turned over onto his back, staring up into darkness, "You could have taken the exams again."

"I'm not cut out for law school."

"You didn't give it much of a chance."

"I lasted a year."

"You should have come back." Evelyn didn't reply. "I would have helped you." She still didn't reply, "Evelyn?" He switched on one of the bedside lamps and saw her slumped over the bed, fast asleep. Gently, so as not to wake her, he got up, lifted her up slightly to pull out the bedclothes and then covered her. As an afterthought, he dropped a kiss on her forehead and then paused, his face hovering inches from hers.

God, he wanted her. He wanted her so badly. But he stepped back and climbed back into his own bed, then turned over onto his other side so that if she were to wake, she wouldn't see him relieving himself of the tension.


	8. Chapter 8

**Please keep reviewing. I want to know if I'm getting it right!**

When he woke the following morning, Evelyn was gone from her bed. The covers were still messed up, but she had vanished. Ben got up and checked the bathroom, but there was no sign of her. It was only when he was walking past the window that he saw her standing outside. She didn't appear to be doing anything, just standing. Pulling on his clothes quickly, he opened the door and stepped out to join her.

"Morning," he greeted her.

"Morning," she replied, still staring out over the landscape back towards the city.

"Did you sleep all right?" he asked.

"Someone put me to bed," she replied, turning to look at him, "but they were enough of a gentleman not to remove my clothes." He shrugged, "My mother used to say I looked at though I had slept in my clothes and now she's right."

He laughed, "You want to get some breakfast? We passed a diner on the way here last night."

"Sure," she nodded, "just let me get my bag."

When Ben had squared up with the owner, they got back in the car and drove a few miles back down the road to where the diner stood. It was quiet, with few customers except for a few truckers. Ben ordered a full breakfast, Evelyn just coffee.

"You know you should eat something," he told her. Seeing her now, in the daylight, he could see how painfully thin she was. Her cheeks looked sunken and her eyes had lost their brightness.

"I'm not really hungry," she replied, playing with one of the napkins lying on the table between them.

"Still," he said when the waitress brought back their order, "Can we have another breakfast, please?" he pushed his plate over to her.

"No," she said pushing it back to him. He pushed it back again, "Ben, no!"

"Ok," he said, reclaiming his plate. He watched as she took a small sip of coffee. He was starving and made no apologies for digging in. He felt her eyes on him and looked up, "I'm hungry."

"I'm not saying anything," she said with a small smile.

They lapsed into silence. Ben didn't want to ask her anything, in case his questioning caused her to close up even more. As if reading his mind, Evelyn took a deep breath.

"I went home for a while." Ben stopped chewing and looked at her, "But, let's just say, it didn't last." She looked out of the window, "Then I moved to the city, got myself an apartment…a job…"

"Where?" he asked.

"At a bar. O'Malley's. It's an Irish bar," she added. Ben nodded, "It's…good."

He knew she was lying, but he didn't say anything. "Where's your apartment?"

"West 64th Street."

"What were you doing down in Times Square?"

She looked at him hard, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine," he went back to his eggs, even though he was dying to ask her more. He could feel her eyes on him, but he didn't look up.

"What are you doing now anyway?" she asked, "have you got a job?"

"The DA's office."

"Congratulations. You always were Whitworth's favourite. You'll be a great criminal lawyer."

"Thank you."

"Seeing anyone?"

Ben put his fork down and looked at her, "What is this?"

"I'm only asking."

"Well the answer is no," he replied, picking up his fork again and viciously spearing a grilled tomato.

"Shame," Evelyn put her chin on her hand, "You'd be a good boyfriend."

"How did you get my number?" he changed the subject swiftly.

"I called your mother," she confessed, "I told her I was a friend from law school and she gave me your number. You don't mind do you?"

"You had time to do all that before whatever happened to you happened?" he asked in disbelief.

Evelyn's face grew dark again, "I've already said…"

"Fine," he replied again, "sorry I asked. I just thought, maybe, you might like to tell me why I drove all the way into the city to find you and spent the price of a motel room for the night."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Evelyn shot back, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Did you want my half?" She started groping in her bag and pulled out some crumpled notes. Throwing them down on the table, she stood up quickly, causing Ben's coffee to spill all over his pants. "There you go. Don't say I never pay for anything."

"Evelyn! Evelyn, wait!" Ben called after her, grabbing the money and leaving some of his own on the table. He took off after her as she threw open the door of the diner and hurried down the steps, "Evelyn!" He grabbed her, "Where are you going?"

"Home!" she shouted in his face, "Thank you very much!"

"I don't want your money!" he said, holding it out to her, "here, take it."

"No. I don't owe anybody anything, Ben Stone, and I'm not about to start with you!" She spun around and stormed towards the road.

"Wait!" Ben took off after her, "How are you going to get back?"

"Bus, hitchhike…what do you care?"

"Let me give you a ride."

"Why, so I can owe you for the gas?"

"Evelyn, please!" he grabbed her shoulders and faced her squarely, "let me take you home."

She glared at him, but she stopped protesting, "Ok, fine."

They got back into the car and Ben turned back in the direction of the city. Evelyn sat in the passenger seat, her arms folded across her chest, her gaze fixed out of the window. He stole glances at her profile and had to stop himself thinking unpure thoughts about pulling over in a deserted area. When they reached the city, she gave him monosyllabic directions until they stopped in front of a dilapidated apartment block.

"Thanks," she replied, opening the door.

"Don't get I get invited in?" Ben asked.

Evelyn paused, "Why would you want to come in?"

"So I can see where you live."

She chewed on her lip, as if weighing it up, then nodded, "Ok."

Ben cut the engine and climbed out of the car, making sure he locked it. In this neighbourhood, he wasn't sure if he would come back to find the tyres gone. He followed her in the main door and up three flights of stairs which smelled musty and damp. When they reached the landing, she fished a key out of her bag and unlocked the door. Stepping inside, he saw immediately that while it wasn't the most palatial of apartments, she had done her best to make it homely. There were bright cushions on the dull grey sofa, some pictures on the wall and bright rugs on the carpet.

"Nice" he said.

"Don't lie," she told him, throwing her bag down on the table, "I know it's a dump."

"I never said that," he protested.

Evelyn smiled at him, "You didn't have to. I'm sure it's nothing in comparison to Casa Stone." Ben grinned, "Do you want some coffee?"

"Sure," he replied. He walked over to the window and looked out over the street while she boiled the kettle. Kids were playing in the street below, a car alarm sounded in the distance and there was the sound of shouting coming from a nearby apartment.

"Here," she came up behind him and handed him a mug. Then she stood beside him and looked out, "Not exactly the park view I always dreamed of."

"It's a start."

"Now I _know _you're lying," she laughed. "I'd love to see your place sometime."

"I'm sure that could be arranged," he replied looking at her. Slowly, he put his cup down on a nearby table and took her in his arms. She didn't resist and he pushed a stray wisp of hair out of her eyes, letting his fingers trace her face gently. He bent and kissed her, his tongue slowly probing inside her mouth, his arms pulling her close to him, feeling her breasts pressing against his chest. He let his hands slide round from her back and covered her breasts, the hardness of her nipples protruding against his palms.

"You're a nice guy, Ben," Evelyn murmured against his mouth.

Ben didn't care about being a nice guy anymore. He wanted her and he wanted her now. In one swift move, he lifted her up off of her feet and started to move in the direction of what he assumed was the bedroom.

"Ben…" she protested weakly, his mouth still on hers, "Ben…don't…"

Ben didn't listen. He kept walking, his mind focused on only one thing.

"Ben…" Evelyn wriggled out of his grip and landed back on her feet. Breathing heavily, she pushed her hair back from her face, "We…I mean, I can't…"

"You were the one who practically begged me to make love to you that night in your room," he protested, unable to believe she was saying no.

"And I'm not allowed to change my mind?" she shot back, "You think I'm some kind of slut?"

"No, of course not!" Ben glared at her.

"The truth is…" she sighed heavily, "I have…I have a boyfriend."

"What?" Ben was stunned.

Evelyn looked at him pleadingly, "Please try and understand. I never meant to lead you on…"

Ben laughed shortly, "Of course you didn't." He lifted his jacket from the couch and stormed towards the door, "Do me a favour, Evelyn. Next time you're in trouble, call someone else!" With that, he left, slamming the door hard behind him. Seething with anger, he ran down the stairs and back outside to the car. He climbed in, gunned the engine and roared away from the kerb, slamming his hand against the steering wheel in frustration as he did so.

Evelyn Sanderson had to be the most infuriating woman he had ever met!


	9. Chapter 9

**November 1974**

**Three months later**

"Got a case for you, Ben."

Ben looked up as Margaret, one of the secretaries in the DA's office, approached his desk in the bullpen. She was in her sixties, thickset, with a biting manner. She had taken his head off on more than one occasion in the four months he had been there, but it seemed as though they had finally reached a truce of mutual acceptance and respect.

"What is it?" he asked.

Margaret handed him a slip of paper, "Got a call from Carter and Haywood at the 2-7. Apparently some girl's been assaulted and they've got her boyfriend for it."

"Great," Ben said, glancing at the notes, "I'll just clear it with Bowyer." He got up and walked towards his boss's office. Knocking on the door, he heard Bowyer grunt from inside, the only indication he would get to come in.

"What?" Bowyer asked as Ben went in.

"Got a call to the 2-7 for an assault," Ben relayed.

Bowyer looked up from his papers, "Off you go then."

"By myself?" the thought of handling it alone filled him with excitement. Usually he stood one pace behind while Bowyer walked the walk and talked the talk.

"Sure. Get the details and get back to me," Bowyer looked back down at his file. He must have sensed Ben hovering, "Go Stone!"

"Ok," Ben left the office and hurried out to make his way to the 2-7. It would be the first time he had gone unsupervised and he was keen to get it right. The traffic was heavy, and as he sat in the cab, he could feel his impatience growing. Margaret hadn't been able to give him any more information and he could only imagine what the complexities of the case would be.

When he reached the precinct, he walked into the squadroom where Carter and Haywood were standing talking.

"Hey," Haywood, thirty and cocky, greeted him, "On your own?" Ben nodded, "Big responsibility."

Ben shrugged, "No big deal." He played it down, but his insides were churning.

Carter studied him from under bushy eyebrows. He was fifty going on ninety and had seen everything one could possibly expect to see. Ben knew the older cop liked him, but would never admit it.

"Guy's in interrogation," he growled, "Cocky little shit."

"What happened?" Ben asked as they began to walk towards where the boyfriend was being held.

"Neighbour called it in," Haywood explained, "heard screaming and shouting from the apartment, then nothing. Waited a half hour before venturing over and that's when she found her."

"Badly hurt?"

"Looked worse than it was. Broken arm, cracked rib, bruising. She was unconscious when they found her, but she'd come round by the time she got to hospital. She gave us the guy's name." They stopped in front of the window looking into the interrogation room.

At first, Ben thought his eyes were playing tricks, but as he looked again, he saw the face of someone he knew very well. A face he had seen looming over himself one night nearly two years earlier.

"Nick Phillips," he said.

"You know him?" Carter asked, swinging round to face Ben.

Ben nodded, "Sure. I went to Harvard with him."

"So, you know he's Senator Robert Phillip's son?"

"Who doesn't?" Ben shook his head, "I guess I'm not surprised. Phillips always was a bully and a thug." He looked over at Haywood, "What about the girlfriend?"

"We've taken her statement," Haywood replied, handing it to him, "Evelyn Sanderson."

Ben's head snapped up, "What?"

"Don't tell me," Carter said, "You know her too? Hey!" He shouted in protest as Ben wrenched open the door to the interrogation room and lunged at Phillips, who flew back to avoid the attack.

"You son of a bitch!" Ben yelled, swinging at him. He didn't get very far, as Haywood grabbed him from behind and pulled him back towards the door.

"Get this fucking maniac away from me!" Phillips yelled, cowering back against the wall.

"You, sit down!" Carter ordered, storming back out of the room where Haywood had released Ben. "What the hell was that about?"

"He hurt her," Ben said, his voice low, but quivering, "the son of a bitch hurt her."

"Calm down," Haywood tried to placate him, "You know Evelyn Sanderson?"

"Yeah," Ben nodded, "I know her." He could feel a hot knot of anger twist his gut painfully. If he could just get back in there, he knew he would beat Phillips to a pulp. Then his thoughts turned elsewhere, "Which hospital?"

"What?" Carter asked.

"Which hospital?" he demanded, louder.

"St Luke's, why?"

Ben didn't reply, he took off down the corridor, not caring about the reasons why he was there in the first place. He rushed out into the street and hailed the first cab he saw, directing the driver to go quickly to St Luke's. But his trip was in vain. By the time he got there, he was told that Evelyn had already discharged herself. Frustrated, he travelled across town to her apartment and banged loudly on the door.

After a few minutes, he heard the sound of the chain being pulled back and the door opened. Evelyn looked out at him and he felt his breath catch in his throat. Her face was bruised, her lip split, and she had her arm in a sling. Wordlessly, she stepped back, allowing him to come inside.

Ben stepped in and closed the door behind him. He wasn't quite sure how to begin, so he watched as she made her way painfully across the room back to the sofa where she lowered herself down slowly.

"I don't want your pity," she said finally, "so don't offer it."

"I wasn't going to." The truth was, he was angry.

She looked up at him, "Sit down." He sat in the chair opposite, "How did you…?"

"I was called to the precinct. It was one shock to see Phillips, quite another to find out that the _girlfriend_ he had assaulted was you."

"You're wondering why I was with him?"

"Yes, I am." Instead of with me, his insides screamed.

"It wasn't planned. It just happened. He came into O'Malley's one night, we got talking…"

"You hated him! He hated you!"

Evelyn looked at him, "Loneliness and alcohol can be a dangerous combination."

"You could have come to me. You didn't have to go with him." He knew he sounded like a petty child, but it was the way he felt.

"I'm not going to apologise."

"Sure, why bother."

"Ben…"

"I can't figure you out, Evelyn, you know that?" he raged, getting to his feet, "You're…you're like a maniac! One minute you're up, the next you're down! I'm seriously beginning to wonder whether or not you have some kind of mental illness!"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? Who's being ridiculous? I'm not the one getting beaten up! I'm betting it's not the first time either."

"You told me that next time I had a crisis I wasn't to call you, remember?" she shot back. "That's what you said, Ben."

"I didn't mean it that way," he mumbled.

"Well I heard it that way and I did as you asked. I didn't call. Don't think I didn't want to. The first time it happened, I thought, 'why am I putting myself through this, when I could be with Ben?'"

He turned to look at her, "I gave you that option."

"I know. Maybe I was a fool not to take it. But I wasn't sure…how you really felt about me."

"I love you," he said simply.

"I'm a mess, I always have been. I'm no use to man or beast."

"Didn't you hear me?" he said, kneeling down in front of her. "I said, I love you."

Evelyn looked at him sadly, "If only you meant that."

"Damn it, I do!" he shouted at her. "You're all I think about, all of the time."

"I want to drop the charges," she said suddenly. "I know," she continued off his look, "it's the wrong thing to do, but…" she shook her head, "I don't want to go through the indignity of a trial."

"He'll cop to a plea," Ben said, "he has to."

"You really think Daddy's going to let him go down for assaulting a nobody like me?"

"You're not a nobody," he said, "and you deserve justice as much as anybody else. You can't let him get away with this, Evelyn!"

Evelyn shook her head, "I've made up my mind." Ben sighed in frustration, "I've decided I want to go back to law school."

"Really?" She nodded, "that's great. Harvard?"

She made a face, "You really think they'd take me back? I got in on a scholarship in the first place and then I screwed up and dropped out. I doubt they're begging for me to go back."

"So…?"

"I'm not sure," she replied, "but there's plenty of other places that do law."

"If you're so keen on getting back into the law, do the right thing and let me prosecute Phillips."

"Oh, listen to Mr Big-Shot DA," Evelyn mocked, "Going to single-handedly send Phillips away for life?"

"If I could." Ben replied, his face serious.

"Oh, Ben," she flapped her hand at him, "I'll get over it. I'll heal. It's not the end of the world."

"That's not the point and you know it."

"Maybe not," she said quietly, "but that's what I want."

Ben held her gaze for a long moment, "Ok. If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

"I'll go back and tell them we haven't got a case. They won't be pleased though."

"I don't want to get you into trouble."

"I always seem to get into trouble around you," he said, "besides, I'm a big boy."

Evelyn leaned forward and put her good hand on his cheek, "Yes, you are." She kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?" he asked.

Evelyn laughed, "Looking like this? People might think _you _beat me up."

"As if I could," he kissed her again, "you could let me cook for you."

"Cook? I'm injured enough as it is, thank you very much." She grinned at him, "but I never turn down an offer to be fed."

"I'll come back later," he said, giving her a final kiss before getting to his feet, "I'll see myself out."

"Bye Ben," she said softly, only this time, she didn't look sad.

SSSS

No-one was particularly pleased that Evelyn had decided to drop the charges. No-one that was, except Phillips. He swanned out of the precinct with a big grin on his face and Daddy's very expensive lawyer by his side.

"This is crap!" Carter growled, "He put her in hospital for Christ's sake!"

"She doesn't want to go through a trial," Ben said.

"You know damn well we could have got him on a plea!" Bowyer weighed in, upset at being dragged away from his lunch to deal with the mess which until a few hours ago had been a good case.

"He would never have folded," Ben said, "and you saw the mouthpiece he hired."

Bowyer glared at his junior, "You better not have persuaded her, Ben, or I swear to God…"

"I tried to persuade her to keep going, but she wouldn't."

"Great, just great," Carter lit a cigarette, "all that work for nothing!" With that, he stormed away down the corridor, closely followed by Haywood.

Bowyer turned on Ben, "I sent you down here to see what you made of handling your first case yourself and what do you do? Screw it up!"

"If the victim doesn't want to press charges…"

"It's not up to the victim!" Bowyer shouted, "We're the ones who decide whether a prosecution should go ahead, not them!" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Well, _you _can explain to Wentworth, because I have enough on my damn plate as it is!" He turned on his heel and stormed off.

SSSS

"…and then he told me that I shouldn't let my emotions rule my head," Ben relayed the story to Evelyn later that evening as they sat eating Chinese takeout in her apartment.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"That I was doing no such thing. That the victim was a really scary woman whom I didn't want to cross."

Evelyn laughed, "You did not!"

"Well, I said something like that," he put his plate down.

"As long as they don't demote you," she said, "I'd hate to think I was responsible for the fall of Ben Stone." Ben didn't say anything. He leaned over and kissed her. "What was that for?"

"No reason," he replied, then he kissed her again, feeling himself straining against his pants.

"Someone's happy to be here," she murmured.

"We've been waiting a long time," he replied, kissing her again.

"Well…you're both just going to have to wait a little longer," she pushed him back. "I don't perform at my best with a broken arm, a cracked rib and a face like Mike Tyson."

He kissed her bruised face, "I like your Mike Tyson face."

"I mean it, Ben," she said, quietly but firmly.

"Ok," he said drawing back and stroking her hair gently, "You don't have to do anything that you don't want to."

"Thank you." She pushed herself slowly down in the sofa and put her head on his shoulder, "Stay?"

"Of course," he replied, kissing the top of her head, "as long as you want me to."


	10. Chapter 10

**fear-ciuil, you make a very valid point re Ben, and after I'd written him attacking Phillips I did wonder if I should keep it in. But how I look at it is that Ben really loves Evelyn. It's an all consuming love for him and when he hears someone has hurt her, he lashes out. As the story progresses, their relationship changesand he gets older, this may well change...hope it hasn't stopped your enjoyment though!**

****

**December 31st 1974**

**Six weeks later**

"I hope they're not working you too hard."

Ben smiled at the sound of Evelyn's voice down the phone. He crooked the receiver between his ear and shoulder and rifled through the papers on his desk, "You know what it's like. Never stops."

"You work too hard," she chastised him.

"Yeah, well someone has to," he teased, "We can't all have fabulously glamorous jobs in high-class bars."

Evelyn snorted, "If O'Malley's is high class then I'm Ali McGraw."

"You're better looking."

"Quit with the flattery, Stone. It's not going to get you anywhere."

"Except dinner tonight," he reminded her, "don't forget."

"How could I?" she replied, "It only took me about six weeks and a hundred hours of overtime to convince my boss to give me the night off." He heard her smile down the phone, "I hope you're worth it."

"I'm hurt!" he replied. Looking up, he saw Bowyer crossing the bullpen towards him, "I'm going to have to go," he told her, "but I'll get you outside at six?"

"I don't even get picked up," she moaned, "what kind of boyfriend are you?"

"The best," he replied as Bowyer stood in front of him, his eyebrows raised, "Catch you later. Bye." He put the phone down.

"I hope that wasn't a personal call, Stone," he grumbled.

"Of course not," Ben replied.

"Good." He thumped a huge pile of files down on Ben's desk, "Cause at this rate, you're going to be here til next New Year's."

Ben looked at the files, "What?"

"These are all the files relating to the Burns case from two years ago. You probably heard about it on the news. Husband went crazy, took his wife and kids hostage, shot them, got life, the usual festive fun." Bowyer shook his head, "Well, his lawyer has just submitted Ryan Burns' notice of intention to appeal."

"After two years?"

"It was a long complicated case," Bowyer said, "and there's no time limit on appeal."

"So, what do you want me to do?"

"Go through everything, see what you can find out." Bowyer turned to walk away.

"Tonight!" Ben stood up quickly.

Bowyer turned back, "Is that a problem?"

"It's New Year's Eve. I've got plans," he said, plans he wasn't willing to break.

"Well, you'd better work fast then, hadn't you? Have fun."

Ben sat down angrily and lifted the first file. Smug bastard. Just because he didn't have anyone to spend the holiday with. As he read, however, he became engrossed in the complexities of the case and didn't notice people around him leaving for the night. He worked on and on, taking copious notes, until a shadow fell across his light.

"I didn't expect to get stood up, Benjamin."

He looked up and saw Evelyn standing, her arms folded, looking down at him.

"I'm sorry," he said, standing up, "I got landed with this case file and…" he trailed off, "is there any point in trying to explain?"

"None," she replied, "what's it in connection with?"

"I can't tell you, you know that."

"Oh, come on Ben. It's six-thirty on New Year's Eve, everyone else is gone and you're sitting here wielding the confidentiality baton?" She pulled up a chair, "Let me help you."

"Evelyn…"

"I'll read some files, take some notes and then you can rewrite them all in the new year," she lifted one of the files, "besides, if I'm going back to law school, I need to get back into the way of reading something other than Cosmo."

Ben cocked his head on one side and looked at her looking back at him. He really loved her, really loved her. "Ok," he said, "go ahead."

For the next hour, they worked in silence, side by side. Ben occasionally glanced across at her, smiling as she frowned, a pen clamped between her teeth. Over the last few weeks, she had really changed in his eyes. Gone was the sullen, angry Evelyn to be replaced with a much gentler, much happier Evelyn. She had spent Christmas with Ben and his family and she and his mother had gotten on like a house on fire, so much so that at times, he felt they were ganging up on him.

Finally, Evelyn threw down what she was holding and stood up. "Come on, that's enough."

Ben looked up, "We're not finished."

"I don't care. It's seven-thirty, we've already missed our dinner reservation and I'm tired. Let's go." She held out her hand, "Come _on _Ben."

"Fine," he said, standing up and switching off the light. They left the office and stepped outside into the swirling snow. Evelyn pulled her coat closer around her and pulled a large, brown woolly hat down over her head. Ben burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" she demanded. He pointed at her hat. "I'll have you know that a friend bought me this hat."

Ben was more taken aback by the fact that Evelyn seemed to have a friend, "Who?"

"None of your business," she replied, "I have more friends than you might think." They walked down the street in the direction of Times Square and Evelyn linked her arm through Ben's. "So, I'm guessing a fancy restaurant is out."

"How bout a burger?" he asked.

"You're kidding?"

"Nope."

"Well if that's or starve, then I'll take a burger."

They stopped at the first street vendor and bought two burgers, Evelyn squirting a mound of ketchup onto hers and biting into it gratefully, "God, I'm so hungry!"

It was only now that Ben realised his stomach was growling with hunger and for a good few minutes they walked in silence devouring the meal. When she was finished, Evelyn wiped her mouth with her napkin and tossed it in the nearest trashcan.

"Well, that was certainly a meal worth waiting for."

"I'm sorry," he apologised again, "I promise I'll make it up to you."

"When? Next New Year's?"

"Probably," he laughed.

They lapsed into silence again as they reached the hub of the square. The crowds had gathered for the dropping of the ball, everyone eager to get a good spot, despite the biting wind. They paused at the edge of the crowd and looked up at the big screen which was showing an old episode of 'I Love Lucy.'

Ben took the plunge, "You never did tell me what happened here that night."

Evelyn turned to face him, the smile gone from her face, "It's New Year's Eve, Ben. Let's not go there."

He shrugged, "I just thought you might be ready to tell me."

"What is it with you?" she shot back, "Why can you never leave something alone? You must be a brilliant lawyer, Ben, you just don't stop." She turned back to face the crowd, shaking her head in frustration. "You seem to think that we have to share everything, but we don't. I don't know everything about your life, why should you know everything about mine? So I made some bad decisions, some choices I wish I hadn't, but I refuse to be browbeat about it every minute of every day, ok?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, letting her calm down after her rant. "I'm sorry."

"Can't we just put it down to something that happened that I'd rather forget about?"

He nodded, "If you want."

"I do want, thank you." Evelyn dug her hands in her pockets. After a while, she turned back to face him, her smile back in place, "Let's not spoil the evening." She sidled closer to him and gave him a quick kiss, "Come on, buy me a drink before I die of thirst."

Ben nodded and they went into the nearest bar, which was full to the gills with fellow revellers. Their conversation flowed as if the short exchange of words had never taken place, but it remained at the back of his mind, like a nagging voice that wouldn't go away.

As the clock moved closer and closer towards midnight, people began making their way back out into the square to celebrate the beginning of the New Year. Evelyn grabbed Ben's arm and pulled him into the crowd.

The revellers were all in high spirits and he put his arms around her waist to stop her from being dragged away by the crowds. She didn't resist and put her own arms over his. The countdown began and all eyes were on the ball.

"10…9…8…7…6…5…" the crowd shouted…"4…3…2…1…Happy New Year!" Everyone started going crazy, hugging and kissing, jumping up and down as they greeted 1975.

"Happy New Year," Ben whispered in her ear.

Evelyn turned in his embrace and looked him square in the eyes, "Happy New Year, Ben."

SSSS

A dog howling in the distance did nothing to deter the two people in the bedroom. Months of frustration had finally spilled over and as the first few hours of January 1st 1975 rolled past, Ben made love to Evelyn for the first time. There had been almost an unspoken agreement between them since the clock had struck midnight. After staying in Times Square for a further half hour, they had wordlessly gone back to Ben's apartment where she had let him undress her with no reservations and carry her to his bed.

It was everything he had hoped it would be. She was open and willing and as he caressed her gently, he elicited from her, moans of passion that only stirred him further. He kissed down her body, but after a while, she seemed to grow impatient of him teasing her and thrust herself hard against him, telling him without speaking that she wanted him inside her.

When he entered her, she cried out and gripped him closer to her, wrapping her legs around his back. He kissed her mouth, her face, her eyes, everywhere as he moved inside her. Evelyn was no slouch either, and for all his leading, she was more than able to match him.

For hours, they delighted in each other until, as dawn slowly began to break, Ben took her in his arms and held her to him, feeling her heart beating against his chest. As their breathing returned to normal, he felt her shaking and realised she was crying.

"What's wrong?" he asked, pulling her face up to his and seeing, in the dim light, her cheeks streaked with tears, "Evelyn?"

"I love you, Ben," she said, "I love you."

"I love you too," he hugged her.

"I know I'm not the perfect person and I know I probably don't deserve it but… please…please promise me…promise me, you won't ever leave me?"

He didn't know where this fear had come from, but he was determined to quell it, "I'll never leave you, Evelyn. I promise, I'll never leave you." Evelyn continued to cry softly, but he didn't say anything. Maybe it harked back to her home life, maybe it was to do with what happened in Times Square, but something was definitely bothering her and he only wished he knew what it was.


	11. Chapter 11

**October 1975**

**Ten months later**

It was the perfect choice. He had known as soon as he'd seen it that it was the right one, that there could be no other. As he carried it out of the shop, he was already planning how he was going to do it at the weekend when she came home. It would be the perfect evening. First, he would take her for drinks to one of the most exclusive wine bars in the city, then dinner at a great little Italian place he had come across by accident, followed by a romantic stroll and then…then he was going to present her with this little beauty. He opened the box and looked at the single diamond nestling in the blue velvet. He was going to do it. He was going to ask Evelyn to marry him.

She had been so happy over the last ten months, especially when after a fantastic application form, with which he had helped, and a fast-talking interview, she had managed to secure herself a second chance at Harvard. It hadn't been easy, and she had needed to get a bank loan to cover the fees, but she had been walking on air ever since, delighted at the prospect of being able to right the wrongs of the previous few years.

"Wouldn't it be funny if I was in 12C again?" she'd said to him when she received her initial information.

"Yeah, as long as you don't get too friendly with the guy in 12B," he'd replied. He was happy that she was getting the chance to do what she wanted to do, but part of him had also been wary at the prospect of her moving back to Cambridge. Ever since New Year's Eve, they had practically lived together in his apartment and the thought of her being away for weeks at a time saddened him.

"Don't worry," she'd said when she caught sight of his wistful look, "I'll come home every weekend. And you can come and stay with me. It'll be like old times."

He had just smiled, knowing that once she got involved in her classes, she wouldn't be able to come home every weekend, and with his workload, getting up there would be difficult too. And he had been right.

The first few weekends after she had started, she had come home on the train every Friday night and he had been there to greet her. She would run down the platform to him and throw herself into his arms, kissing him fiercely, telling him how much she had missed him before they headed back to his apartment so she could show him. They would spend most of Saturday in bed and then perhaps go out on the Sunday before she had to catch the train back again. Ben found himself living for those weekends.

The first time she had called to say she couldn't come home, he remembered experiencing a feeling inside that that was going to become the norm. Two, three weeks went by before he drove up to Cambridge to spend the weekend with her there. Again, they spent a lot of time in bed before he had to come back to the city, but it wasn't the same. She had more and more assignments to do and had little time either to come home or entertain him there. That was partly why he had decided to propose. Not because he was worried she might find someone else during the long weeks they were apart, but to make a firm commitment, to make her his. To have something to show at the end of it all.

"Where have you been?" Bowyer demanded when he arrived back after lunch.

"Lunch," Ben replied taking off his jacket and putting it on the back of his chair. As he sat down, he felt for the ring box in his pocket, and continued to feel it at intervals all throughout the day until five o'clock. Evelyn's train always arrived at Grand Central at six-fifteen, and by the time he had fought his way through the rush hour traffic, he usually only had about ten minutes to spare. He bought a donut to satisfy his appetite until dinner and then headed onto the platform to wait for her.

When the train pulled in and the passengers started to disembark, he looked for her through the crowd, until he caught sight of her coming towards him. He waited, but she didn't run and she didn't throw herself into his arms. When she reached him, she gave him a cursory hug and peck on the cheek.

"Hi," he greeted her uncertainly.

"Hi," she replied, her voice sounding strained.

"Good trip?" he picked up her bag as they started to walk back towards the entrance.

"It was ok," she said, before lapsing into silence.

Ben was confused. Normally, she talked nineteen to the dozen about what she had been up to that week.

"How's Whitworth's assignment going?" he asked.

"Not bad."

"I can go over it with you if you want."

"It's ok. I can manage."

"Ok," he said. As they drove through the streets to his apartment, Evelyn sat in silence beside him, her gaze fixed out of the window. She offered no conversation and he soon stopped his pathetic attempts because he was clearly getting nowhere. When they reached their destination, Evelyn went into the bathroom and didn't re-emerge for a full ten minutes.

Ben was hovering in the kitchen, "I got us reservations at that new Italian place for seven-thirty," he told her, "but I thought we could go to Alarosa for drinks first."

"I'm really tired," Evelyn replied, pouring herself a glass of water, "Can't we just stay here tonight?"

"Well…" he paused, knowing what it had taken to get the reservations, "It took me ages to actually get a table and it's supposed to be really great food."

"Fine," she replied, in a tone that indicated it was anything but. She disappeared into the bedroom and came back out wearing a simple black dress, "Will this do?"

"You look great," he told her. As he made to kiss her, she turned her face away and he was left brushing air. Assuming she would lighten up once they got out, he got himself ready and they made their way to the bar. It was noisy and crowded and he had to shout to speak to her, but she made no effort to take him up on anything her said.

When they got to the restaurant, it was no better. Evelyn read the menu in silence, only speaking to give the waiter her order, before playing with the wine glass in front of her.

After at least ten minutes of silence, Ben had had enough, "Evelyn, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied, refusing to meet his gaze, "I'm just tired, that's all. It's been a long week."

"So, talk to me about it."

"I don't want to."

"Is it the work, the people...?"

"Stop it, Ben," she sighed heavily, "I said I don't want to talk about it.." The waiter brought their starters and they ate in silence.

Ben could feel the ring box burning a hole in his pocket. This wasn't quite how he had imagined it. He couldn't understand why she was being so cold, so distant. This wasn't the Evelyn he had gotten to know over the last year. This was the old Evelyn, an unwelcome visitor. As the check was brought to them at the end of the meal, Ben gave voice to a fear that had been coursing through him all evening.

"Have you met someone else?" He was surprised at how calm he sounded.

Evelyn looked at him properly for the first time all evening. Her expression was a mixture of fear and pain, "No. God, Ben, no."

"Then what is it?" he pressed, "You've been acting like you don't want to be here all night."

"It's not that…"

"Then what!" he could feel himself grow angry and he had to fight to keep his voice down, "Damn it, what is with you?"

"Can we just go, please?" she asked, standing up. She didn't bother waiting, instead making her way directly to the door.

Ben hurriedly left a tip and took off after her, catching up with her at the first cab rank. They sat in stony silence all the way back to the apartment and when they got inside, the first thing Evelyn did was pour herself a drink. She stood looking out of the window, nursing it. Ben pulled his tie off and threw it onto the sofa, before unbuttoning the top button of his shirt and sinking down on the chair with his back to her. He had meant it to be the perfect night, the night he asked her to marry him, and it had all gone horribly wrong.

After a while, Evelyn came and sat on the sofa. She put her now empty glass down on the coffee table and looked at her hands, "I'm sorry, Ben. I haven't been the best company this evening."

He fought down his annoyance and tried to be sympathetic, "What's bothering you, Evelyn?" She shook her head slowly, as if to indicate that she wouldn't discuss it, "Well damn it, I don't know what to say!" he got to his feet, "I haven't seen you in three weeks and when you come home you act as if you don't want to be here."

"It's just all going wrong," she replied softly.

"What is? Harvard? Are you finding it too hard?"

"No, it's…"

"Is it us? You don't love me anymore, you don't want to be with me?" he ran through all the scenarios.

She lifted her head and looked at him, "I'm pregnant, Ben. Eight weeks."

He was stunned into silence. Pregnant? She was pregnant with _his _child? He thought about how careful they had always been, always taking the time to use protection no matter how heated the situation got. All of a sudden in his mind's eye, Ben could see white picket fences and himself and Evelyn running around after a gaggle of kids, smiling and laughing. It was the family he had always wanted to have.

"Evelyn, that's…that's wonderful." He pulled her to her feet and took her in his arms, "that's wonderful!"

She pulled back from him violently, "It's not wonderful, Ben. It's the worse thing that could have happened!"

He was stunned by her ferocity, "The worst thing? But…"

"I've just gone back to law school. It's my second chance and now…now I'm having a baby. I can't stay at Harvard if I'm pregnant. By the time the finals come around I'll be ready to give birth and then I'll have a newborn baby crying all night, demanding all my attention, attention I won't be able to give! And where will you be? Here, carrying on with your glittering career!" She shook her head in frustration and anger.

Ben paused, "Well…" he tried to be diplomatic, "maybe…maybe we have to think about our priorities now."

"What do you mean, priorities?"

"Evelyn," he put his hands on her shoulders, "You're pregnant. Maybe you should think about…postponing."

"Postponing?" she looked at him as if he had suggested she dance naked in the street.

"You could defer your place for a few years…"

"Defer? Ben, I've been there two months already! I've done work, I've handed in assignments, I'm working on other assignments. I can't just defer!"

"Ok," he tried to be practical, "You could do this year, and maybe defer your second year until the baby's a bit older."

Evelyn shook her head, "They're not going to let me do that! I dropped out once before, remember? And it took a hell of a lot of effort to get back in again. I'm not giving it up!"

"What other choice do we have?" Ben asked, "There's no way you'd be able to study with a baby living with you in one of those rooms and I'm working all the time…"

"Oh, so I'd have to be the one to make all the sacrifices?" she shot at him, "God forbid Ben should be asked to change anything about his life just because he was careless enough to get me pregnant!"

"That's not fair, Evelyn," he replied, "it takes two to make a baby."

"Oh don't patronise me," she retorted, "Yes, it takes two to make a baby, but it only takes one doctor to get rid of it."

Her words hung in the air between them. Ben was horrified. He knew what she was alluding to, but he didn't want to believe it, "You're talking about having an abortion."

She nodded, "Yes."

"You can't."

"Yes I can. Roe v Wade, remember?"

"I'm not talking about the legalities," he replied, "I'm talking about the fact that you're thinking about killing our child…"

"Don't give me that anti-abortion crap, Ben. You know we don't agree on the subject." She was right, they didn't. And they had had many a hypothetical debate on the rights and wrongs of abortion, never once thinking it would happen to them.

"Evelyn…" he fought for the right words, "I don't want you to have an abortion."

"I know you're Catholic, Ben, and you don't believe in it, but you have to see it from my point of view," she pleaded with him, "It's my body that'll be affected, my time at Harvard that'll be ruined. I…" she shook her head, "I can't give up what I've worked hard to get for a mistake that's easy to correct."

"A mistake?" he couldn't believe she could say it so blithely. "It's our baby, Evelyn, it's not a mistake."

"Maybe not to you." She lowered her eyes, "We're not even married."

"I can fix that," he dove into his jacket pocket and pulled out the box, latching on to a potential solution. "I was going to do this tonight, but then when you were acting so strange I didn't…" he opened it and held it out to her, "I wanted to ask you to be my wife, Evelyn. I love you and I want to marry you."

Evelyn looked at the ring, "Ben…" she said softly, tears springing into her eyes, "It's…it's beautiful."

He took it out of the box and grabbed her hand, "Then say yes," he pushed it onto her finger, "Say yes, Evelyn."

She paused for a long time. "I love you, Ben I always have and…yes."

He pulled her to him and held her tightly in his arms. She didn't protest, but clung to him, and he could feel her trembling slightly. When they pulled away, he took her face in his hands and kissed her gently, "I love you."

"I love you too," she repeated, "but I can't…I mean this doesn't…"

"We'll work something out," he told her, "Supposing I have to give up my job and take care of the baby myself, we'll work something out."

"I won't defer," she told him seriously, "I can't, Ben, I just can't."

"Ok," he replied, "You don't have to defer. We'll sort it, I promise."

"How?" she asked, like a child looking for direction.

He wasn't quite sure how, but he knew he would think of something. "Just leave it to me," he said, "I'll take care of it. I'll take care of everything."


	12. Chapter 12

**January 1976**

**Three months later**

"Do you have _any _idea what people are saying?" Kathryn Stone demanded as she and Ben ate dinner one Sunday evening. She had been horrified and disgusted when he had told her the news that he and Evelyn were engaged and that she was expecting a baby. She had ranted and raved down the phone and had, the previous evening, reduced Evelyn to tears.

"Your mother hates me!" she had sobbed in his arms, "she hates me and I'm trying so hard…"

"I'll sort it," he told her, "I'll go and see her." So, he had made the drive to Cambridge to try and make her see sense. "I don't care," he replied, "and you shouldn't either."

"Well I do!" Mrs Stone retorted, "and so should you! Good God Ben, this is the talk of the neighbourhood! My son getting some…some woman pregnant without being married to her…it's scandalous!"

"It's 1976, Mom, times change. And Evelyn is not 'some woman.' She's my fiancée and I love her. You did too when you met her before."

"That is not the point!" she waved her fork menacingly at him, "I know you're a grown man, Ben, you're twenty-nine years old for heaven's sake, and you can do what you like…but _why _couldn't you have waited until you were married? Or at any rate, not had the wedding until the baby was born?"

"And that would have been better how?" he asked.

"Well, she wouldn't have been flaunting it, would she? Walking down the aisle in a white dress stretched over that stomach of hers. It's disgusting."

"It's our child," he pointed out, angrily.

"I'm well aware of that, Ben, and so is half the town!" She shook her head, "there should be a law against it."

"Against what?"

"Young hussies like her trapping decent men like you by getting themselves in the family way!"

Ben threw down his cutlery and stood up, "I've had just about enough talk like that from you!" he retorted, "Now Evelyn's having my baby and we're getting married next month whether you like it or not. And I couldn't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks about it!"

"You've changed, Ben," Mrs Stone said, "You're not the man I thought you would become."

"Well I'm sorry about that, Mom, and I'm sorry you won't want anything to do with your grandchild. But that's your choice, not mine." He picked up his coat.

"Where are you going?"

"Home, to my fiancée," he replied. Driving home, he took his frustrations out on the car, thumping the steering wheel and banging his fist against the window so much so that he frightened an old woman passing him at one point into breaking sharply.

When he got back to the apartment, Evelyn was standing at the door waiting for him. Dressed in a white smock to cover her waistline and with her hair pulled back with a headscarf, she looked far younger and more vulnerable than her twenty-seven years.

"I heard the car," she said, "how did it go?"

He shook his head and pulled her into his arms, "She wasn't for listening."

"I'm sorry," Evelyn's voice was muffled against his shoulder, "it's my fault…"

"No, it's not," he told her, pulling back and putting his hand on her expanding stomach, "you're not to think that. You just concentrate on looking after our baby."

She turned away from him and walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. The last three months hadn't been easy. Every morning she had felt so sick and tired and Ben hated to think of her alone in her room at Harvard when she was feeling that way. Some mornings, she told him, it had been so bad she had had to miss certain classes. Then she would get upset and scream at him down the phone that everything was ruined and that she hated him for making her keep the baby. When those outbursts came, he let her rage at him, figuring there was little point in arguing back. She would always calm down eventually and then apologise. He drove up to Cambridge every weekend to pick her up and every weekend, he thought she looked paler and more drained.

"Did you tell her that it was all your idea?" she asked, a note of spite in her tone.

"No, I didn't." It was obviously going to be one of those fights.

"That I didn't actually want it in the first place and you're making me have it?" She glared at him, her eyes dark in her white face.

"Let's not start this again, Evelyn," he pleaded with her, "It's not good for you to get so upset and besides, there isn't anything we can do about it now."

"No, there isn't. I'm just stuck with swollen ankles and swollen fingers and swollen breasts and a sore back!" she threw at him. "Do you know what people are saying about me behind my back? They call me a slut, a tramp, for having got myself pregnant without being married. How do you think that makes me feel, Ben?" She dissolved into tears.

"Come on," he said, putting his arms around her, "Who cares what they think? I know you don't, you never have."

"Well maybe I do now," she pulled away, "Every Sunday night I dread the thought of going back there to face another week. It wasn't supposed to be like this! I was supposed to enjoy it second time around. It was supposed to be right!" She slammed the cups down on the counter, "Why did I let you talk me into this, why?"

"I didn't 'talk you into' anything."

"Yes you did! You told me that everything would be all right. You promised me you would take care of everything!"

"And I have!" he retorted, "I've done everything I can to look after you and the baby. I can't do any more than I'm already doing!"

"Yes you can!" Evelyn retorted, "You can take me for my damn train!" She stormed past him into the bedroom to get her things.

Ben watched her go and knew he wouldn't be happy putting her on a train by herself, "I'll drive you," he called after her.

"You've done enough already."

"Oh don't be so petty. I'm driving you and that's the end of it." He stormed around the kitchen, banging cups and cupboard doors, venting his frustration in the only way he could. After a while, he realised that Evelyn hadn't re-emerged. "Evelyn! Hurry up, come on!"

She appeared a few moments later, her eyes red and her face tear-stained, "I'm sorry." Despite knowing he should be angry with her, Ben took her in his arms and held her while she cried. "I don't know why I'm such a bitch."

"It's your hormones," he said soothingly, "it's all right." He stroked her back gently and then pulled back and tipped her face up to his, planting a sweet kiss on her nose, "Come on, let's get going."

"But you've just driven all the way back."

"It's fine," he told her, "I'd do anything for you, you know that."

SSSS

"That's not true!"

"It _is _true!"

"You're such a liar, Ben Stone," Evelyn giggled as they stepped inside her room, "You think I can't tell, but I can."

"You're too clever for me," he replied indulgently, putting her bag down on the bed.

"And that's _definitely _a lie," she grinned, putting her arms around his waist and kissing him, "but I like it." He laughed and kissed her back. "I wish you didn't have to go back."

"Me too," he said, resting his chin on the top of her head, "but I have to."

"I know." She raised her head and looked at him, "Sometimes it's just hard to get through a week without you. Especially with this baby giving me hell." She rubbed her stomach.

"Just think, in a month we'll be married," he tried to cheer her up.

Evelyn smiled wanly, "I can't wait."

Ben kissed her again and then left, waving to her as he crossed the ground back to where he had left his car. He hated saying goodbye to her, hating walking away while she stood watching him. He wanted to be with her all the time, wanted to protect her. She was emotionally fragile, and the slightest thing was capable of throwing her off kilter. In some way, he hoped that by getting married, it would give her some form of emotional security, enough at least to see her through the rest of the pregnancy.

When he got back to the apartment, the phone was ringing and he raced forward to grab it. "Hello?"

"Hey. I timed it pretty well, huh?"

"I'm just in the door," he told her, "You ok?"

"Fine. You must be really tired."

"I'm ok. I'm just going to turn in." He could hear the sound of raucous laughter in the background, "Where are you?"

"The foyer," she replied, "looks like some people are having a party."

"Well remember, you're in no fit state to go to a party," he told her.

"I know," she laughed softly, "I'm not planning to." She paused, "I love you, Ben."

"I love you too," he told her, "Good night."

"Night." She hung up and he was left listening to the dial tone.

Mechanically, he went about getting ready for bed, brushing his teeth and sorting out his papers for the morning, before collapsing into bed and falling asleep almost instantly.

SSSS

"Come on, man! I'm loaded, I want to sleep!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Hey, look at that!"

"What? Leave her alone, she's sleeping."

"On the stairs?"

"She's probably drunk, like me!"

"She's pregnant, idiot."

"More fool her."

"Hey…what's that?"

"What's what?"

"That…stuff on the stairs?"

"Jesus…call an ambulance!"


	13. Chapter 13

Christopher Anthony Stone was born at 5.47am that morning. He lived for only thirty minutes, long enough for his parents to see him and hold him and have him baptised by the hospital priest. Ben was devastated. When he held his son, both before and after his death, and gazed upon the scrap of humanity, he felt a profound sense of grief and loss for his child, along with an overwhelming sense of guilt. He should have done more, he should have been there, he should have made her stay at home.

When he had been woken from his sleep, groggy and disorientated, to be told that Evelyn had gone into premature labour, he had driven to Cambridge so fast he was surprised he wasn't stopped by the cops. He had reached her side a few moments before she had given birth to Christopher and despite it not being usual practice for men to witness the birth of their child, had insisted he be with her.

Evelyn reacted to the news that her son was going to die with silence. In fact, she had barely said anything since he had been there. She had held him and looked at him, but she hadn't cried and she had handed his body over to the nurses without a fight, whereas Ben wanted to scream at them to leave him be.

The doctors had wanted to keep Evelyn in overnight, just to make sure she was all right physically and Ben had wanted to stay with her, sleeping on the floor if he had to. But Evelyn had told him to go, so he checked into a cheap motel nearby and didn't sleep a wink, crying over what should have been.

The following morning, they said Evelyn could be released and he turned up at the hospital ready to take her home and take care of her. He wanted to keep her close to him, wanted to hold her, to let her release the emotion he was sure she must be keeping inside. When he reached her room, she was already dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Hi," he greeted her, kissing her on the cheek, "how are you feeling?"

She shrugged, "Ok I suppose. Still a little sore." She stood up and looked down at where her stomach had been, "I keep expecting to still see the bump." In the hours after the birth, her stomach had shrunk dramatically and it was hard to imagine she had ever looked pregnant.

"I know," he said softly, "so do I." He lifted her coat and helped her on with it, "I called my Mom."

"What did she say?"

"That she was so terribly sorry and that we were welcome to stay with her for a while if we wanted to." He saw her shake her head, "I know, I didn't want to either, so I told her no. We're better off just being by ourselves." They slowly walked out of the room and began making their way down the corridor to the main entrance, "When I get you home, you're not to do anything, you hear? I'm going to look after you. I'm going to take some time off work…"

"I don't want to go home," she interrupted. "Take me back to Harvard."

Ben stopped walking and stared at her, "What?"

"You heard me. I said, take me back to Harvard."

"Evelyn…"

"Ben, I have numerous assignments to complete, study groups to attend and the preliminary exams to sit next month. I don't have time to sit in New York watching daytime TV."

"You've just given birth!" he exclaimed, "Our son just died!"

"I'm aware of that!" she snapped, "I was the one who gave birth to him!" She sighed, "Please, just take me back to Harvard."

Ben knew better than to fight with her, but he didn't say anything as they drove through the streets back to the campus and neither did she. It was as if the tentative gulf that always seemed to have existed between them had widened massively.

Back at Harvard, things were going on as normal. Students milled around the campus, going back and forth to classes, there were banners up advertising social events and notices about study groups. In Hunter House there was a booth set up for voting for the resident representative. Ben could hardly believe that things were still happening when his world seemed to have ground to a halt.

In her room, Evelyn put down her bag and surveyed the piles of books and papers that lay strewn on her desk and floor, "I've got so much to do," she observed.

"I don't know how you can even think about it," he remarked, a note of pain in his voice.

"What good would it do if I didn't?" she turned to him, her expression impassive, "Sitting around crying isn't going to bring him back."

"He was our son. He had a name."

"I know." She turned back to her desk, "Whitworth told me he was expecting something extra special from me this year, even despite my infirmity," she laughed, "imagine calling it that."

Ben just shook his head, "You're cold, Evelyn. You're really cold."

She turned again, "Does that mean you don't want to marry me anymore?"

"Is that a roundabout way of saying _you _don't want to marry _me _anymore?" he shot back at her. He waited for the denial which never came. "It does, doesn't it?"

"Come on, Ben," Evelyn sat down on the bed, "We were only really getting married because I was pregnant, weren't we? Now that I'm not…"

He had always known she had a strange outlook on things, but to be faced with this…he was almost speechless with a mixture of hurt, outrage and anger, "You might have only wanted to get married because of that, but I was marrying you because I loved you. Because I wanted to be with you, child or no child! And for you to sit there, and pretend that he never existed…" his voice broke slightly, "that he wasn't real…well that certainly takes something, something I don't have. I suppose you're not even interested in the funeral, are you?"

"Of course I am. I want to say goodbye to him too."

"Well forgive me if I don't believe you."

"I'm not like you, Ben," she responded.

"No you sure as hell aren't."

"I just…don't know what to do."

"Yes you do," he lifted his jacket, "do your assignments, do your exams. That's what matters to you now." He opened the door.

"Ben." He paused and turned back around. She was holding out her engagement ring, "Do you want this back?"

"No," he said, "You keep it. Maybe it'll serve as a good reminder." Then he left, slamming the door hard behind him. Pounding down the stairs he ran out of the building and back to the car, not wanting anyone to see the tears coursing down his cheeks and his chest heaving with sobs. It had started to snow and he sat in the car, breaking his heart, while the fat white flakes obscured his vision of the world and provided him with a temporary shelter.

SSSS

"So, you ready?" Bowyer loomed over Ben's desk a fortnight later, his eyebrows raised as if daring the younger man to say no.

Ben looked up, "Ready as I'll ever be I guess."

"It's a big step. Trying your first case," Bowyer warned him, "It's natural to be nervous."

If he was being honest, Ben didn't give a damn about the case. In the run up to Christmas and the days before Christopher's death, he had been excited, exhilarated at the prospect of finding his feet in the courtroom. He had watched Bowyer, and other ADA's many times and had taken copious notes on what he felt were their skills and weaknesses, collating them together to form what he hoped would be a good prosecution. The case was fairly straightforward. A young woman had been raped and stabbed to death by her ex-husband. While he was pleading not guilty, the evidence against him was overwhelming and even his attorney had said to both Ben and Bowyer that he wished his client had taken the murder two plea when it had been offered. Since the death of his son, and his split from Evelyn however, Ben hadn't been that inspired. He had organised Christopher's funeral and had tried to contact Evelyn with the details, but he could never reach her. In the end, it had taken place without her.

"Stone," Bowyer said sternly, "I know you're upset about what happened to your kid, anyone would be. But we need to try this case and try it effectively, and if you don't think you're up to the job…"

"I am," Ben replied quickly. He wasn't about to let Evelyn's cool indifference ruin his career, "I'm ready."

"Good," Bowyer smiled, "Wentworth wants a word before you go, and I'll see you in the Rotunda tomorrow at eight am sharp, ok? I want to go over your opening argument."

"Ok," Ben nodded, watching as the other man left. It was late, and he was tired, but if Wentworth wanted to see him then that's where he would go. Stretching, he stood up, switched off the light on his desk, lifted his papers and made his way towards the DA's office.

"Come in," Wentworth replied to the knock on his door, "Ben, I'm glad you dropped back. Come in, sit down." Ben did as he was instructed, "How are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"Fine sir," Ben replied, "a little nervous."

"To be expected. I know you're going to do a fine job. Remember that Patrick will be there as your backup should things go pear-shaped." He took off his glasses, "Aside from the case, how are you?"

"How do you mean, sir?" He really didn't like discussing Christopher, or Evelyn, with anyone.

"I'm referring to the loss of your son." Wentworth was nothing if not direct.

"I'm…" Ben looked down at the carpet, red and patterned, "I'm…ok."

"It's not easy, losing a child. I lost my daughter when she was seven."

"I'm sorry."

"So was the son of bitch who knocked her down, but he still got fifteen years," Wentworth smiled sadly, "you never get over these things, Ben, but you do learn to live with them."

Ben nodded, although he wasn't sure he ever would get over losing that child. "I appreciate that sir."

"Now," Wentworth stood up, "You go home and get a good night's sleep. You'll need to be on the ball tomorrow."

"Yes sir," Ben stood up, "thank you sir." He left the office and made his way out into the busy streets. It was dark and cold and people hurried past, their coats pulled tightly around them, their eyes firmly fixed ahead. Ben joined them, walking to the bus stop and queuing with everybody else, sitting pressed against a misty window until it reached his street and then walking into the cold, dark apartment.

He missed Evelyn, missed her like crazy. He had lifted the phone to call her so many times, after the funeral but had always replaced the receiver without dialling. Once, he had been about to drive up to Harvard and say he was sorry, but something had held him back. He was tired of always having to apologise, always having to be the one to cave first. He didn't want to say sorry for being upset at Christopher's death, why should he? Instead, he put a frozen meal in the oven and turned on the evening news.

SSSS

"I couldn't have done it better myself," Bowyer clapped him on the back as Karl Ludlow was led away to begin a life sentence, "and that's something coming from me."

Ben let out the breath he had been holding slowly and felt the blood drain back to his head. It had been a tough few days, the most stressful of his life, and for a moment, he had forgotten all his other problems in his quest to convict a killer. It hadn't been easy, especially when the defence produced a surprise witness who testified that Ludlow had been with him the night of the murder. Thankfully, Carter and Haywood had been able to disprove that theory quite easily and the witness had only given himself a conviction for perjury.

"I think we deserve a drink, don't you?" Bowyer declared, "Come on, I'm buying."

Ben knew better than to turn down this elusive offer, so he followed his boss to a nearby bar, thronged with people on a Friday night. They drank beer and went over the case, Bowyer highlighting the good parts, but also offering criticism on the weaknesses.

"Your questioning of the doctor could have been better," he said, "the amount of perfectly reasonable objections Franklin made, he'd have been better off standing up the whole time."

"I know," Ben said, "I realised that."

"Never mind, you'll do better next time."

Ben wanted to point out that he had got a conviction, but he didn't have the energy to fight with Bowyer.

"Don't get too cocky though," Bowyer continued, "they won't all be as straightforward."

"I know."

"Sometimes you get a real humdinger that you just know you can't win. Those are the cases that separate the men from the boys, Stone."

With Bowyer's words ringing in his ears, Ben arrived home, once again, to a dark, empty apartment. He called his mother to tell her he had won and had to hold the phone away from his ear while she screeched with joy. Then he called Craig, who had left a message on his machine earlier that day. He was working on Wall Street and they arranged to meet up for dinner the following week. Ben never mentioned Evelyn and Craig never asked. It was almost as if she had never existed.

As he was preparing to go to bed, there was a knock at the apartment door, and for a fleeting moment, his heart leapt thinking it might be Evelyn. But when he opened it, he was faced with two men in suits.

"Are you Ben Stone?" One of them asked.

"Who wants to know?" he replied.

The man flashed a badge, "I'm Detective Harper, this is Detective Giardella, Massachusetts Police. Can we come in?"

Ben stepped back automatically, his heat racing, and they stepped inside, closing the door behind them.

"Do you know an Evelyn Sanderson?" Harper asked.

Ben swallowed hard, "Yes." His hands were suddenly clammy and he felt nauseous. "Why?"

"She's been admitted to St Jude's Hospital in Cambridge."

"Oh my God," Ben said, "what happened?"

"An overdose of sleeping pills. It looks like she tried to take her own life."

Rendered speechless, Ben sat down stiffly on the arm of the sofa. Evelyn…his Evelyn…why would she do it? He looked up quickly, "If it was a suicide attempt, why are the police involved?"

Harper set his mouth in a grim line, "Because before she tried to top herself, Miss Sanderson attempted to abduct a baby boy from another student."


	14. Chapter 14

Ben paused at the door to Evelyn's hospital room and looked in at her. She was sleeping, her head on one side, her dark hair fanned out on the pillow, a stark contrast to her deathly pale skin and her forehead was creased, as though she was having a bad dream. He stood there for a full minute before venturing inside and sitting down on the chair next to her bed. She didn't stir and he sat watching her, willing her to wake and yet also not wanting to have to confront her over what she had done.

On the way to Cambridge, Harper and Giardella had filled him in on what had happened. Sandra Maxwell, a married law student in her second year, had been walking her two month old son Harry around the grounds of the university the previous day. When her son's hat had blown away in the wind, she had raced the few feet after it to retrieve it. When she had turned back around, Harry had been missing from his buggy and she had seen a woman hurrying away across the grass. Sandra had given chase and caught the woman, Evelyn, who had been holding her crying son. There hadn't been a struggle and Evelyn had given Harry back without a fight, but Mrs Maxwell had been so upset and shaken that her husband, also a law student, had insisted the police be called. When they had arrived to speak to Evelyn, they had found her unconscious on the floor of her room next to an empty bottle of pills.

With all this information flying around in his head, Ben had felt as if he was living in some never-ending horror movie. How could Evelyn, who had seemed so unaffected by Christopher's death, suddenly change in some mad woman who wanted to steal another woman's baby? He couldn't reconcile it, and yet, he reminded himself, he hadn't seen her in nearly a month.

As he sat pondering, Evelyn stirred and opened her eyes. She froze when she saw him, "What are you doing here?"

"It's ok," he reassured her, "You're going to be fine."

"How did you get here?"

"The police brought me."

"The police? Oh God!" She burst into tears, "Oh God, what have I done?"

He made no move to comfort her physically, despite aching to do so, "You screwed up, Evelyn, that's what you did."

She pulled her hands away from her face and looked at him, "You're angry."

"I'm not angry, I'm…" Ben paused. He wasn't sure how he felt. Disappointed? Shocked? Concerned?

"You are, you're angry," she sounded like a child about to be chastised.

"Well you tried to steal someone's baby, Evelyn. How do you expect me to react? Throw you a party?" His voice was harsh and he saw her visibly wince.

"You're right," she nodded slowly, "I'm a bad person."

"You're not…you're not a bad person," he replied, his tone gentler, "but…I do think you need help."

"Therapy?" She looked at him sharply.

"Maybe. Don't you?"

Evelyn sighed heavily, "Maybe you're right." She picked at the sheet, "Maybe I need to be locked up in a straight jacket."

"That's not what I said…"

"Hidden away from the world so they can feed me drugs so that I can stop being me…"

"Evelyn…"

"So that I can stop feeling the way I do…"

"Knock it off!" he said angrily, "this isn't a time for 'poor me.' This is a time to actually stand up and take responsibility for yourself, for your actions. You can't go through life blaming other people and…and making out it's not your fault. You took that baby, Evelyn, nobody forced you to. And now you need to confront that. And confront what happened to Christopher."

"It has nothing to do with that."

"Yes it does and you know it!" He stood up and walked to the window, "You were too calm, too unaffected when he died. Maybe I should have seen it and maybe I should have done something about it, but damn it…I can't keep rescuing you and…and building you up. Sometimes you have to do it on your own!"

"Sounds more like you're trying not to blame yourself," she said, "for walking away from me."

"I didn't walk, you pushed," he faced her, "and you pushed hard. You wouldn't let yourself feel after Christopher died and you certainly didn't seem to want me around either. It was business as usual."

"And look where it got me."

"Exactly!" He stopped and took a deep breath, "why did you take the baby?"

"I don't know."

"Not good enough. Why did you take the baby?"

"I don't know!"

"Did you think it was Christopher?"

"I'm not crazy, Ben!" she retorted, "I wasn't seeing things! He was crying and I…"

"What, you thought you could make a better job of being his mother? Funny that, seeing what little interest you showed in your own son."

"Stop it!" she put her hands over her ears, "I'm not on trial, Ben, don't treat me like a defendant!"

"Not yet you're not," he replied, "but if that couple go ahead with this, you soon will be! You should know enough about criminal law now to realise that for yourself!"

Evelyn wiped her eyes fiercely, "I want to talk to someone."

"Who?"

"Doctor Bryan Seymour."

"Who?"

"He's a psychiatrist. His office is on Blake Street, downtown." Her voice was so steady, so calm, "Tell him I need to see him."

Ben digested this, "You've seen him before?"

Evelyn raised her eyes and met his gaze, "Will you just get him. Please?"

SSSS

Two hours later, Ben sat in the hospital corridor drinking bad coffee while Doctor Seymour spoke to Evelyn. When he had arrived at the Doctor's office and asked to see him, the receptionist had told him it was impossible without an appointment. When he had said it was about Evelyn Sanderson, her face had changed and she had hurried into the back to retrieve him. Ben had been surprised at the Doctor's willing to accompany him back to the hospital, but when he pressed for information, Doctor Seymour had, quite rightly, told him he could tell him nothing.

Certain things were beginning to come together in his mind. Clearly, Evelyn had received therapy from Seymour in the past, but why had she never told him? Ruefully he had to admit that he knew very little about the woman he had planned to marry and have a child with.

The door opened and Doctor Seymour emerged, closing it behind him. Ben stood up quickly, "How is she?"

"Tired," Doctor Seymour replied, "and drained, emotionally and physically."

"Is she…having a breakdown?" he said the word fearfully.

"No. She's merely a little off balance."

"Off balance?" Ben echoed, "She snatched a baby."

"I'm aware of that," Doctor Seymour said, "but there shouldn't be any long term side effects. A chat, like the one we've just had, usually does the trick."

Ben frowned, "What are you saying?"

"Evelyn tells me you're an attorney."

"That's right."

"Then you know I can't say any more." Ben sighed, "She also told me she loves you very much."

Ben laughed bitterly, "I'm not so sure about that."

"Well I'm in no doubt," Doctor Seymour patted his arm, "and I _am _her psychiatrist." His smile faded slightly, "Your son's death devastated her. She just didn't know how to show it."

"She didn't even seem to care."

"Evelyn has always had problems with her emotions. It stems from her childhood. And that…" he held up his hand as Ben opened his mouth, "is all I can say." With that, he turned and started to walk away down the corridor.

Ben watched him go and then pushed open the door to Evelyn's room. She was sitting up in bed and she looked much better. She smiled when she saw him, "Hi."

"Hi," he greeted her cautiously, "do you feel better?"

She nodded, "I always feel better when I speak to Doctor Seymour, although I haven't needed him in a while."

"Can't you talk to me?"

"It's different with you."

"How?"

"It's like…with Doctor Seymour…I don't have to prove myself to him. He doesn't expect anything from me. With you…it's different."

"Evelyn, I don't expect anything from you except…"

"Except what?"

He fought for words, "Your…love, your respect…"

"You have those things."

"Do I? Cause right now I feel pretty damn alone."

Evelyn lowered her eyes, "I'm not perfect, I know that."

"I'm not asking you to be perfect," he sat down beside her, "I'm just asking you to be you."

"This _is _me, Ben," her eyes filled with tears, "This is me, Evelyn, partial bitch, partial fruitcake." She laughed at her own joke, "I've never been any different."

He wanted to ask, "Doctor Seymour said…about your childhood…"

"My father used to beat on all of us when he was drunk, not just my mother. Danny, Jake and I got it too. I figured that's why the boys fell in with bad crowds and why Danny ended up dead. Me, I went in the opposite direction. Worked hard at school, got good grades, went to university and got into law school. I suppose I thought if I did that, then my father might respect me." She laughed, "Some hope. It only made him worse. He used to go on and on about how I thought I was better than all of them and how he would show me it wasn't true."

Ben didn't say anything.

"My mother was too drunk herself to do anything about it. She used to egg him on, tell him we deserved it. When they were both drunk and they fought each other, it was like World War Three. Glass smashing, holes getting punched in walls…I didn't want to tell anyone about what went on at home because I was ashamed. Anyway, my college professor took me to one side one day when I came in with a black eye and the whole story came out. He made me go see Doctor Seymour."

"And it helped?"

"I was able to talk to someone without fear of…retribution I suppose. I never told my parents that I was seeing him. When I went to Harvard, it was like a fresh start, moving out of the house, living my own life. But I couldn't seem to handle people. That's why I was so horrible to you. When you were nice to me, I couldn't deal with it, and when I felt myself get close to you and get vulnerable, I got scared, so I shut down." She met his gaze, "I never meant to push you away."

He nodded.

"The night I asked you to make love to me, I wanted…I don't know…to feel something for the first time. Something meaningful. You wouldn't have been my first, but all the rest were just…expressions of physicality if that makes any sense. When you turned me down, I felt angry that I had opened myself up enough for it to get to that stage, to allow myself to get hurt. That's why I dropped out. Crazy, isn't it?"

"No," Ben replied quietly, "Not at all."

"I went home because I thought, 'maybe I do belong there after all. Maybe that's my level.' I soon realised that it was a mistake and that's when I moved to the city and took the job in O'Malleys. Customers found me attractive and when Nick Phillips told me he wanted to screw me, well…" she snorted, "I thought 'why not?'" She sighed, "I wished it had been you though."

"You turned me down," he reminded her, "When I took you home from the motel you told me you had a boyfriend."

"I know," she smiled ruefully, "more fool me. He had already hit me once, I knew it would happen again. But it was familiar, you know? It was a relationship I could identify with, so I stayed. When you came to me after Nick attacked me, I was so relieved and I knew that it was you that I wanted. But when I got pregnant…" she shook her head, "I don't know, it was as if…I was afraid I would be as terrible a mother to my child as my mother was to me. That's why I was so…uninterested? But when he died…" she broke off as a tear slipped down her cheek, "I wanted to grieve, I wanted to cry but I just couldn't, Ben, I couldn't."

"It's ok," he took her in his arms, "It's ok, Evelyn."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, "I'm so sorry. I understand if you're through with me, if you never want to see me again."

"Evelyn…" he pulled back and took her face in his hands, "I love you. Nothing could ever change that." He kissed her gently, "I want to be with you."

"At least that's something," Evelyn replied, "I'll be thrown out of Harvard and put in jail, but apart from that…"

"You're not going to jail," he reassured her, "and you're not going to be thrown out of Harvard, I'll make sure of it."

SSSS

"Mr Stone, I can understand why you're here," the Dean of the university said after Ben had revealed why he was there, "but Miss Sanderson has been accused of a criminal offence."

"For which she's not going to be prosecuted," Ben said quickly. He thought back to how he'd managed to persuade Sandra Maxwell not to press charges by appealing to her better nature and telling how devastated Evelyn had been by their son's death and hadn't meant any harm to Harry. His gentle persuasion had worked and she had agreed not to pursue the matter on condition Evelyn stay as far away from them as possible.

"That's hardly the point," the Dean continued, "She abducted a baby."

"She didn't mean the baby any harm" Ben said, "look, she's a good student. She deserves a second chance."

"This _is _her second chance. She dropped out once, remember?"

"Please, sir," Ben pleaded, "I know that she'll do it this time. She wants to make it, really she does."

The Dean knitted his fingers together and surveyed Ben, "You're her fiancé?" Ben nodded, "I sympathise with everything you've both been through recently, but Miss Sanderson…"

"Sir, if you throw her out, she has nothing left to hang on to. She'll just fall further and further into depression and then none of us will be able to help her. Please, give her another chance."

SSSS

"Well?" Evelyn looked up expectantly as Ben came back into her room.

"Well…" he sat down on the edge of her bed, "it was tough, but…" he grinned, "they're not going to throw you out."

"Oh, thank God!" Evelyn flung her arms around his neck and gripped him tightly, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She pulled back and kissed him fiercely, "I'm not going to let you down this time, I promise."

"It's not about letting me down," he told her, "it's about you being happy."

"I want to be happy. I want to be normal." He kissed her again, "I want to be Mrs Stone."

"You still want to marry me then?" he asked.

Evelyn smiled, "I didn't ever not want to."

"Then I think we should do it, sooner rather than later," he told her, "before you change your mind again."

"I will _never _change my mind," she replied, "I'm going to be married to you forever."


	15. Chapter 15

**July 1977**

**Eighteen months later**

Evelyn was pacing around the apartment, nervously wringing her hands. She hadn't slept a wink the night before, as well Ben knew, having been kept awake by her tossing and turning. He watched her indulgently from the kitchen as he made the coffee.

"You'll wear a hole in the carpet," he joked.

"I can't help it," she replied, without looking at him, "this is perhaps the most important day of my life and I can't sit still!"

"The most important day?" he echoed, "More important than the day we got married?"

Evelyn stopped and grinned at him, "Well…it comes a close second." She twisted her wedding ring around her finger, "God, why is he taking so long?"

"Cause he knows you're waiting for him."

"What?" she looked at him.

"Watched kettles never boil," he told her wisely.

"Oh very funny," she replied, just as the mail came through the letterbox, "Oh my God, it's here!" She darted to the door and grabbed the pile of letters. Flicking through them, she tossed a number onto the floor, "Bills, bills, bills…"

"Which we have to pay," he reminded her, stooping to pick them up.

"This is it." She held the large brown envelope in her hands and stared at it, "Oh my God, this is it."

"Well open it."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm too scared."

"Give it here," Ben laughed, taking it from her and ripping it open. Evelyn watched him wide-eyed as he read it aloud, "Dear Mrs Stone, we are pleased to inform you that you have been successful…"

"Yes!" Evelyn screamed, jumping up and down, "Oh my God, yes!"

"…in gaining an apprenticeship at Burns & Associates. We look forward to having you join us on August 1st."

"That's in two weeks!" Evelyn exclaimed, "Oh my God, I'm not ready! I've got so much to do, so much to buy…I'm never going to be ready…"

"Yes you are," he told her, taking her face in his hands, "You're going to be fine."

"But what if I'm no good? What if I mess it all up?"

"You won't," he kissed her gently, "you're going to be the best lawyer they've ever had."

"But this is Burns & Associates," she persisted, "they're only the most influential criminal defence firm in the city…"

"Evelyn, calm down," he stepped back and handed her a cup of coffee, "they wouldn't have hired you if they didn't think you were any good."

Evelyn cocked her head on one side, "That's true, isn't it? They hired me. _They _hired _me._" She grinned at him triumphantly, "I did it."

"Yes you did."

"I did it!" She put her coffee down and threw herself into his arms, kissing him hard, "I couldn't have done it without you, Ben. I love you, I love you so much!"

Ben kissed her back, smiling against her mouth as she squirmed against him with excitement. He was happy that Evelyn was so happy. It was what he had wanted for so long. They had been married for just over a year and every time he thought back to that day, he couldn't help but smile. She had looked beautiful in her dress and the small, simple wedding had been just what they both wanted. It had been a blissful year and he never wanted the feeling to end.

"Let's celebrate," she pulled back from him.

"It's eight-thirty in the morning!"

"I don't care, let's go for brunch or something."

"It's still only eight-thirty."

"A croissant then, anything. Come on, Ben! This is the first day of the beginning of my career and I want to celebrate it with the man I love," She wound her arms around her neck and kissed him softly, "please?"

Ben could never resist her, so he nodded and they made their way out to the nearest café. Evelyn appeared to be walking on air. She held his hand tightly, but she held her head high and kept grinning inanely at him.

"People are going to think you're crazy," he told her lovingly.

"I don't care," she replied, "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore." She sighed happily and Ben smiled. During her second year at Harvard, Evelyn had really seemed to blossom. She had made friends with some girls in her year and had even managed to rise above the stares and points from fellow students who knew about what she had done. There had been one awkward moment when she had come face to face with Sandra Maxwell in the street, but the two had managed to pass each other without causing a scene.

"I'll have two jelly donuts," she announced to the girl behind the counter.

"Two?" Ben raised his eyebrows.

"I'm celebrating," she declared as she bit into the first one, "and nothing is going to spoil this."

SSSS

Evelyn's euphoria lasted for two weeks after she began working at Burns &Associates. At the end of her first day, she had come racing home, full of news to tell Ben and had rambled on for hours about the people she had met and the work she was going to be doing. Ben didn't care, he was just glad to see her so thrilled.

At the end of her second week, however, she came home in floods of tears and for a horrible moment, Ben thought she had been fired.

"What is it?" he asked, as she slammed the apartment door and stood with her head in her hands. "Evelyn, what happened?"

"It…all went wrong!" she sobbed loudly, "I made a mistake and it all went wrong!" She let him take her in his arms and hold her while she cried, "Mr Burns himself told me I did the wrong thing!"

Ben didn't know what to say, so he merely held her and rubbed her back as if she were a child, "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

"It is!" she pulled back, her face tear-stained and her eyes red, "You should have seen the look on his face when he told me. He was so angry, Ben. I'll probably find my letter of severance on my chair when I go in tomorrow."

"You're overreacting," he tried to soothe her, "Come on, dinner's ready. I made your favourite."

Numbly, she followed him into the kitchen where he dished up her favourite spaghetti and put it in front of her. She sat and stared at it, making no move to lift her cutlery.

"Evelyn, you need to eat."

"My life is over," she said sadly. Before he could stop himself, Ben started to laugh. Evelyn's head shot up and she glared at him angrily. "I'm glad someone thinks it's so damn funny!"

"I'm sorry," he said, "but you're making a mountain out of a molehill! Everyone makes mistakes."

"Except for you, Boy Scout Ben Stone." Her words had an icy edge to them.

Ben sighed, "That's not fair."

"It was only last week you were telling me how wonderful Albert Wentworth thinks you are and now, here I am, screwing up left right and centre!" She pushed her plate away from her viciously, "You've no idea what it's like for me."

"I live with you, Evelyn, I've got a pretty good idea."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" She looked at him dangerously.

"All I'm saying is, you can't let yourself sink into some form of depression every time something goes wrong at work. It's going to happen and happen often and you have to deal with it."

"Are you saying that I'm a screw-up? That I'm not going to make a go of my job?"

"No, that's not what I'm…"

"Screw you, Ben. Screw you!" Evelyn stood up and stormed to the apartment door.

"Evelyn!" he called after her, but she was gone, banging the door behind her.

SSSS

"I'm sorry," she apologised a few hours later as she stood at the bedroom door.

Ben, who had been in bed for hours but hadn't been able to sleep, looked at her over the papers he was reading, "Where have you been?"

She came into the bedroom and shrugged, "Just walking around. Went and had a drink. I'm _not _drunk," she said before he could say anything.

"I wasn't about to suggest you were," he defended himself.

Evelyn sat down on her side of the bed with her back to him, "You're right. It's not the end of the world. It's just that…I don't know, maybe I expect too much of myself."

Ben put his papers down and crawled towards her. Putting his arms around her waist, he kissed her neck, "You do, and you shouldn't."

"I just want everyone to think I can do a good job," she said, "I'm sick of being known as somebody who always messes up."

"Nobody thinks that," he told her, easing her suit jacket off of her shoulders, "Now, come to bed."

Evelyn turned to face him and returned his kiss, "Someone's after something."

"My conjugal rights," he told her. "I think I deserve them, don't you?"

**December 1977**

**Six months later**

"Do you want a glass of water?" Ben stood at the bathroom door listening while Evelyn threw up.

"No," she replied weakly, "I don't think I could keep it down."

He pushed the door open slightly and saw her sitting next to the toilet, her face slick with sweat, "Are you ok?"

"I don't know what's wrong," she replied, "I feel like shit." He smiled sympathetically, "And if you say I look like shit too, I'll kill you."

"I'd like to see you try," he replied.

Evelyn smiled, but it soon dropped from her face and she turned to vomit once more into the bowl. Ben stepped back and closed the door. He made his way into the kitchen to make her some tea, running over in his mind what she had eaten for the past few days. They had both eaten the same things as far as he could remember and he felt fine. But for the past three days, Evelyn had looked and felt like hell, spending her mornings before going to work in the bathroom just as she was this morning. He had a niggling thought at the back of his mind, but he was afraid to voice it.

Evelyn came into the kitchen, pushing her hair back from her face. "Thanks," she took the proffered cup from him and sipped the liquid, "God, I wish I knew what this bug was. It's driving me crazy." She sat down on the edge of the sofa.

"Maybe it's not a bug," Ben said carefully.

"What do you mean?" she replied, rubbing her hand over her eyes.

"You might be..."

"What?"

"Pregnant."

Evelyn froze. She looked from Ben to the floor and back again, "Pregnant?"

"Morning sickness," he pointed out, "remember when you were expecting Christopher? You told me that you were sick for months."

Evelyn nodded slowly, "I remember." She looked at him fearfully, "Do you really think I could be?"

"We haven't exactly been careful," he reminded her.

She didn't say anything for a long moment, "Maybe I should go to the doctor."

He nodded, "You should. We should know, one way or the other."

"If…if I was pregnant," she said slowly, "how would you feel about it?"

Ben paused. It had been nearly two years since Christopher died and at times, the pain still felt so raw that it caused him physical pain. He would think about what his son would look like, what he would be doing, how happy they would be together. He looked at her, "I think it would be great."

Evelyn nodded, "Yeah, yeah it would be."

SSSS

An hour later, she emerged from the doctor's surgery to where Ben was waiting. She was pale and her eyes looked huge in her face with her hair scraped back. He stood up and looked at her expectantly.

"I'm pregnant," she told him quietly.

He felt like grabbing her and spinning her around in his arms and kissing her hard on the mouth in front of everyone, but he didn't. He pulled her gently to him and kissed her. "That's great," he told her quietly, pushing a stray lock of hair away from her face.

Evelyn nodded, but tears hovered in her eyes, "Yeah it is." She let him lead her back outside to where they had left the car and then she burst into tears.

"Evelyn…" he held her to him and hugged her gently, "don't cry, please don't cry."

"It's going to be different this time, Ben, isn't it?" she asked, her voice muffled against his chest.

"It's going to be different this time," he echoed, "we're going to have a healthy baby and we're going to be a family."

She pulled back and looked at him, "What am I going to do about work?"

"Well…"

"I mean, I love my job and I love the people and…and I'm just finding my feet…" she trailed off, "but I'm having your baby and I want that too."

"There's no law that says you can't have both."

"Do you think they'll fire me?"

"For getting pregnant? Of course not, and if they do, I'll be on them before they can say maternity leave."


	16. Chapter 16

**July 1978**

**Seven months later**

_Times Square, Times Square, Times Square._

The thoughts rattled around in Ben's brain as he stood in front of the mirror trying to fix his bowtie. He had, momentarily, forgotten about that night, being so caught up in everything else that had happened since. But when things had returned to normal, and he was lying in bed one night on the brink of sleep, it had come back to him with a vengeance, like an itch that demanded to be scratched.

Evelyn had never mentioned that night when she had been recounting her worse memories to him. It had been conveniently missed out and no matter how many times he tried to subtly bring it up, she was always able to divert the conversation before he got very far. It had gnawed at him ever since, and as he watched her stomach expand with their child, he found it occupying his every waking moment.

"Are you ready?" Evelyn called through from the living room.

"Almost."

"Honestly…" she came into the bedroom, "I thought we women were supposed to be the ones who took the longest to get ready." She turned him to face her and set about fixing his bowtie, "You look very handsome, Mr Stone."

"And you look very beautiful, Mrs Stone," he returned the compliment, kissing her lightly on the lips. She was wearing a midnight blue dress which was loose enough to modestly cover her bump, but not so loose that she resembled a tent. He put his hand on her stomach and grinned when he felt a kick.

"Baby's excited," she told him, "It's her first big event and she's looking forward to it."

"Oh it's a she, is it?" he teased.

"Of course," she replied, "Now, come on, we're going to be late."

It was July 16th and the night of the annual Burns & Associates Summer Dinner Dance. If he was being honest, Ben wasn't that keen on going. He hated these kind of functions, where everyone slapped each other on the back and congratulated themselves on how well they were doing. He had been to a couple of benefits hosted by the Mayor and found himself bored to tears watching Bowyer accept praise lavished on him. Ben wanted to do his job for the victims, not for the kudos.

Evelyn on the other hand, had been excited ever since the invites had gone out. She was loving her job and loving the work and he had never seen her so happy. She had glowed right throughout the pregnancy, particularly when they told her that no, they weren't going to fire her because she was with child, and that she should take all the time she needed. Ben was hopefully going to try and persuade to take at least a year after the baby was born, but he hadn't yet managed to bring it up.

_Times Square, Times Square, Times Square._

He ached to ask her outright about it, wanting to phrase it as the last piece of their old life before their baby came. He wanted it out in the open, dealt with and put behind them, but time was running out on that wish.

"Come _on, _Ben," she was standing holding the door open, "I know it's fashionable to be late, but I really don't want to be."

"Ok, ok," he said, stepping out and locking the door behind him, "God forbid."

During the cab ride, Evelyn fidgeted wildly, crossing and uncrossing her legs, shifting in her seat, playing with her hair, rubbing her hands together.

"You ok?" he asked her eventually.

"What? Yes," she replied.

"It's not the baby, is it?"

"No, Ben, it's not the baby," she sighed, "not everything is about the baby."

He was silenced by her comment. It was the first time since she had discovered she was pregnant that she had ever displayed any hostility towards their child.

Sensing his feelings, she turned to look at him, "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just nervous about tonight."

"Why? From what you've told me, they seem to love you."

"That's work. This is social." She didn't say anything else, as if it were obvious.

"So?"

"It's different, Ben."

"How?"

"Oh, stop being so naïve," she snapped, "you know exactly what I'm talking about."

He didn't, but he thought it best to say nothing. When the cab pulled up outside the hotel where the dinner was taking place, he opened her door for her and helped her out.

"Thank you," she smiled and kissed him. It was the closest he would get to an apology. She took his hand and they made their way into the foyer which was already thronged with people. Evelyn squeezed his hand and grinned at him and he smiled back indulgently, wanting to make her happy.

"That's Jack Burns," she whispered to him, her head gesturing in the direction of a grey-haired man holding court in one corner of the foyer. "He's brilliant, absolutely brilliant."

"He's a shark," Ben wanted to say, but he bit his tongue. Jack Burns may hold a special place in Evelyn's heart, but amongst prosecutors he was known as one of the most slippery, underhanded defence attorneys to ever be admitted to the bar. He had never come up against him personally, but both Bowyer and Wentworth had told him many stories.

"Make sure your wife doesn't end up like him," Bowyer had told him, "Otherwise she'll serve you your balls on a platter."

"Evelyn!" he was distracted by a female voice and a small, redhead raced over to them.

"Lizzie, hi!" Evelyn greeted her warmly, "Ben, this is Elizabeth Young, one of my good friends. Lizzie, this is my husband, Ben."

"Nice to meet you, Ben," Lizzie shook his hand, "What do you think of this place, great huh?"

"It's very nice," he replied honestly.

"Paul?" Lizzie grabbed the arm of a tall, skinny blond male, "this is my husband, Paul. Paul, darling, this is Evelyn Sanderson that I'm always telling you about, and this is her husband, Ben Stone. He works for the DA's office," she added.

"Pleased to meet you," Paul replied. He looked bored out of his mind. "I hate these functions," he confided as Lizzie and Evelyn began talking away to each other, "This is my third and they don't get any better."

Ben was still reeling from the fact that Lizzie had addressed Evelyn as Evelyn Sanderson. It had never crossed his mind that she might not use her married name at the office. "Yeah…I hate them too," he replied distractedly.

"So, the DA's office? Guess this would be the last place you'd want to be. Bowing down at Jack Burn's feet."

Ben swung his attention back to Paul, "Well I've never come up against him myself, but I've heard stories."

"Yeah, all of which are true. Me, I'm in real estate."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you get some sharks there too, but nothing like Burns. He thinks he's God."

At that moment a gong banged and Burns, standing at the top of a small flight of stairs, waved his hands for silence, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Welcome to Burns & Associates annual summer dinner dance." There was applause, "Dinner is now being served in the Banqueting Suite, so please, come on in." There was mild laughter and people began gathering up their belongings to move into the dining room.

"Great," Paul muttered, "Make sure you drink plenty, then you'll hopefully sleep through his motivational speech."

"Having fun?" Evelyn appeared at his shoulder.

"Sure," he replied, following her inside. The tables had already been organised and he found himself seated between Evelyn and Paul with the other places taken up by other attorneys and their bored looking partners.

The food was delicious, he couldn't fault Burns for that, and the drink flowed easily. At one point, he opened his mouth to remind Evelyn not to drink any alcohol, but he saw that she had only asked for water, so he closed it again.

"You need to trust her," his conscience shouted at him, "She's not an idiot."

_Times Square, Times Square, Times Square._

As coffee was being served, Burns did his round of the tables, talking to his staff, joking with their partners and basically coming across as the affable host. When he reached their table, Ben could practically feel Evelyn bristle with excitement.

"Evelyn, you're looking lovely tonight," Burns said, kissing her on the cheek, "and this must be your husband." He looked at Ben.

"Yes sir," Evelyn replied, "Ben, this is Mr Burns."

Ben stood up and shook the older man's hand, "It's a pleasure, sir."

"Ben Stone?" Burns frowned, "You work at the DA's office."

"Yes sir I do."

"Honourable job, if a thankless one."

"I wouldn't say that."

"Surely it must frustrate you to lose so many cases. I read that the conviction rates are down this quarter."

"We put away everyone we can," Ben replied, his tone icy.

"When you're not outmanoeuvred by us of course," Burns replied with a wide smile.

"Of course." Ben would have liked nothing more than to wipe the smug grin off of Burns's face.

"And your wife," Burns turned back to Evelyn, "She's doing a remarkable job. She's going to be a rising star with us, I can just tell." Evelyn was practically pink with pleasure. "Do enjoy your evening." He moved round to talk to Lizzie and Paul.

"Did you hear that?" Evelyn whispered, "did you hear what he said about me?"

"Yes," Ben replied, "he likes you a lot." He didn't add that Burns probably said that to everyone.

"I knew it! I knew he would be impressed given some time."

Ben took a mouthful of coffee, "Why don't you use your married name?"

"What?" Evelyn was trying to listen in to what Burns was saying to Lizzie.

"I said, why don't you use your married name?"

She looked at him for a long moment as if she couldn't quite comprehend what he was getting at, "I don't understand."

"At work," he said, his voice tight, "you go by Evelyn Sanderson."

"Is this because of how Lizzie introduced me?" Evelyn laughed, "Oh Ben, there's no need to get bent out of shape."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes it does!" he fought to keep his voice down, "You're _my _wife and yet you don't use my name."

"I didn't realise I was your possession," she replied, her voice equally as low.

"Stop twisting things."

"I'm not. Look, Mr Burns said…"

"What does he have to do with it?"

"Sssh!" she glared at him, "He said that if I wanted to make a name for myself as a defence attorney, then it might be easier if my name wasn't synonymous with an ADA."

"What?"

"Ben," she said patiently, "you can deny it all you want, but you are already one hell of a litigator. They talk about you in the papers. They love you at the DA's office and you're only going to get better and better as time goes on."

"I fail to see…"

"People know your name. I want them to know mine."

"Your name is Evelyn Stone." It sounded petty, but it was true.

"Yes I know that. In every other walk of life. But I need to build a reputation on my own and I don't want to be referred to as Evelyn Stone, wife of ADA Ben Stone. Can you understand that?" Her eyes pleaded with him.

"Fine," he replied gruffly, but it was anything but. "But I'm telling you right now that our child is not going to be one of those kids who has two names. No…Sanderson-Stone, ok?"

Evelyn smiled, "Ok."

At that moment, Burns took to the floor and proceeded to speak for a full twenty minutes on the virtues of the firm, how well they had done and where they were going. He referred to numerous successful defences undertaken over the last year, many of which had passed right under Ben's nose. He watched as Burns continually self-congratulated himself, knowing inside that there were killers free because of that man. He glanced sideways at Evelyn, who was watching Burns with a rapt look on her face, and vowed that he would never let her become like him.

_Times Square, Times Square, Times Square._

SSSS

"That was a great night," Evelyn said when they got back to the apartment, "Don't you think it was great?"

"Sure," Ben replied, taking off his bowtie and unbuttoning his top button, "great."

"Don't sound so enthusiastic," she said from the kitchen where she was pouring herself some juice.

"I am enthusiastic. It was a nice night."

"But you don't like Burns, do you?" she leant against the doorframe and sipped the juice, "I could see it on your face. So could he, probably."

"What do you want me to say? No, I don't like him."

"Because he's beaten your office some times? That's just petty, Ben."

"Because he's facilitated it so that criminals who should be locked up are walking the streets. Murderers, rapists…"

"Oh please, you make it sound so terrible."

"It _is _terrible, Evelyn."

"If the DA's office can't come up with the evidence, what do you expect?" she went back into the kitchen.

Ben came and stood behind her, "Is that what you really think? That everyone Burns has defended is innocent?"

"No…"

"Then how can you stand there…?"

"It's my job, Ben. Just as it's yours to think everyone is guilty."

"I don't think that unless I have evidence to prove it."

"If you had evidence to prove it, you would win all your cases." She turned to face him and put her hands on his chest, "Come on, let's not fight. It's pointless."

Ben knew she was right. It _was _pointless. Pointless to fight over something that didn't really matter. But perhaps now was the perfect time to bring up what had really been bugging him all these months.

"Evelyn…"

"Hmm?" she was unbuttoning his dinner jacket.

"We need to talk."

"About what?" she pulled it off and started on his shirt.

"About…something that happened a while ago…"

"It's late, Ben," she replied, kissing him, "can't it wait until morning?" She dropped kisses down his throat.

"No, I really think we should talk about it now," he replied as she pulled his shirt out of the waistband of his pants. "It's about…"

"Help me up."

"What?"

"Onto the counter, help me up." He hoisted her up so that she was sitting on the counter, her legs dangling, "What were you saying?" She ran her hands over his bare chest and down to his waistband.

"I want to talk about…" he broke off as she unzipped his flies. "Evelyn…"

"Make love to me," she whispered in his ear.

It drove him crazy when she said it. She had the knack of phrasing it with just enough desire, longing and aggression in her tone to make him forget about what he was thinking about and think only about being inside of her. She kissed him passionately, and for a moment, he forgot what he had been going to say as he returned her kiss. Their sex life had dipped since she had fallen pregnant, Evelyn because she was usually too tired, Ben because he was usually too afraid. But right at that moment, he could feel unbridled desire burning up inside of him.

"Not here," he told her, "not here."

"You used to like doing it here," she replied, slipping her hand inside his pants.

Groaning, he lifted her up into his arms, the weight of her and the baby seemingly nothing, and carried her into the bedroom. Their lovemaking was tender, but there was an edge to it, an edge that caused him to be able to go longer, to claim her over and over again, to forget why he was annoyed at her, at Burns, at everything until they collapsed in each other's arms, well and truly spent.

As he drifted off to sleep, Ben knew there was something he had been meaning to talk to her about, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember what.

SSSS

"Ben?"

He grunted, his mind foggy with sleep.

"Ben."

Through the haze, he thought he could hear Evelyn calling to him.

"Ben!"

It was sharper this time, and he bolted upright, "What…what…what is it?" He screwed his eyes up against the light shining from her side of the bed and as he squinted at the clock, he could see it was three in the morning. Turning over, he saw her sitting up in the bed, shaking slightly. "What is it?" he asked, awake now, "Evelyn?"

"I think…" she paused and swallowed hard, "I think I'm having contractions."


	17. Chapter 17

**I love writing this story andI hope you're loving reading it. If so, please leave a review. Always exciting to get one. And thanks for the reviews so far!**

"Oh God, it's too early!" Evelyn gasped, "It's too early, Ben! I can't have the baby now, I can't! It'll be like Christopher all over again. I can't go through it again, I just can't!"

"It's all right, Evelyn," Ben tried to reassure her as he drove through the streets to the hospital, "It's going to be fine."

"It's my fault. We shouldn't have gone to the damn party!"

"It's not your fault," Ben said, "If it's anyone's fault it's mine."

"Why do you say that?" Evelyn turned her head to look at him.

Ben didn't reply, but he knew what he was talking about. He should never have made love to her. If anything it had probably brought on the labour. It was his fault this was happening.

"Ben…" she started crying, "Ben, is the baby going to be all right?"

"I don't know," he replied, reaching over and gripping her hand, "but I'm going to get you to the hospital, ok?" She nodded mutely and he turned back to concentrate on the road. It wasn't busy at this time of night, but it seemed as though every traffic light was against them, turning red the moment he drew near. He was tempted to just drive through them, but all he would need would be a cop car to start chasing him.

"Oh God, I'm sorry! I'm sorry about everything I ever said or did! Please, please don't let me lost my baby!" Evelyn closed her eyes and sobbed, "Please don't let me lose my baby!"

"Evelyn, it's going to be all right," he reassured her.

"You don't know that! You told me you didn't know that! Oh, Ben, please, make it stop!"

"I can't!" he said, sharper than he intended, "I wish I could." Evelyn cried out as another contraction swept painfully through her, "Evelyn? Evelyn?"

"Oh…God…" she replied, before slipping into unconsciousness.

"Evelyn?" he tried to rouse her, but to no avail, so he put his foot down and drove as fast as possible towards the hospital. He didn't even stop to think about finding a parking space, instead drove straight into the ambulance bay and pulled the car to a screeching halt.

"Sir, you can't park here," a well meaning paramedic informed him almost immediately.

"It's my wife!" Ben replied, climbing out and running around to the passenger side, "She's in labour!"

"Yeah we get that a lot," the paramedic replied, "but that still doesn't mean…"

"She's unconscious!" he retorted, pulling open the passenger door, "and she's not full term!"

"Ok," the paramedic replied, "ok, bring her in here!"

Ben leant in and lifted Evelyn out of the passenger seat and hitched her up into his arms. He followed the paramedic inside who shouted for someone to come and help them. Two nurses hurried forward, one pushing a gurney.

"Put her down here," she instructed him, "What's her name?"

"Evelyn," Ben said weakly as a doctor came forward.

"How many weeks along is she?" he asked brusquely.

"Uh…twenty eight," he replied, "is she going to be all right?" The doctor didn't answer him, "Is she going to be all right?" he asked again.

The doctor turned to face him, "I believe your wife has suffered what we call a placental abruption."

"What's that?"

"It's where the placenta begins to separate from the uterine wall," the doctor continued, "it can be very serious for both mother and baby."

"What can you do?" Ben asked.

"We need to perform an emergency c-section right now…or they could both die."

The words sunk in and Ben felt himself gripped with fear, "But…can the baby survive this early?"

The doctor frowned, his grey eyebrows knitting above his watery eyes, "I can't tell you for certain, but I _can _tell you that neither will survive if we don't do this."

Ben nodded, "Ok."

"What's happening?" Evelyn mumbled, slowly beginning to come round.

"It's ok, Evelyn," the nurse soothed her, "we're going to have to perform a C-section to help your baby."

"No…" she moaned, "no I don't want a c-section."

"There's no other option, Evelyn," the doctor said, "we have to do this or your baby's going to die."

"No…" Evelyn started to cry, "No…Ben…"

"They have to do it, Evelyn," Ben said gripping her hand and leaning in to her, "they have to do it to save the baby." The nurses started to push the gurney along the corridor and he hurried along beside it, still holding her hand. "You're going to be fine, sweetheart, you're going to be just fine."

"You'll have to wait here," the nurse told him as they reached the doors.

"No!" Evelyn said forcefully, "No, I want him with me!"

"You can't, Evelyn, I'm sorry."

"No, I want him with me!" she gripped onto his hand with such force he felt pain, "No!"

"Evelyn, I'll be right here waiting for you, I promise," he told her, "I promise."

"No, don't leave me!" she screamed as the nurses tried to pry their hands apart, "You promised me you'd never leave me! You promised me!"

"Someone will come down and speak to you," the nurse told him, "once the operation's completed."

"You promised you wouldn't leave me!" Evelyn screamed, "You bastard, Stone! You promised me!" Her hand slipped out of his, "You promised me!" They pushed the gurney through the doors and Ben could only stand and watch as she flailed wildly on the gurney and screamed back at him, "You promised me!"

When she had disappeared from sight, he sank down wearily in one of the nearby plastic chairs, put his head in his hands and sobbed.

SSSS

"Mr Stone? Mr Stone?" he felt hands shaking him, "Mr Stone, wake up."

Ben jerked suddenly awake and saw the nurse standing in front of him. She smiled gently. "Evelyn…" he bolted upright.

"She's fine. She's recovering well."

"And the baby?" he held his breath.

"You have a little girl," she told him.

"A girl…" Ben echoed, "She was right…" he looked up at the nurse, "Is she all right?"

"She's premature, and her lungs haven't properly developed, so we've put her in the special care baby unit. Would you like to see her?" He nodded, and the nurse led him up the stairs to another part of the hospital. They stood outside a door which had a secure entry system. "You'll need to put one of these on," she handed him a gown, "It's to stop cross contamination."

Ben nodded and did as he was told. Then he followed the nurse inside, past rows of incubators to the far corner. All he could see was a tiny bundle of pink lying in the middle, with wires and tubes seemingly coming from every orifice. He felt his heart contract violently.

"I know it looks frightening," the nurse said, as if reading his thoughts, "but they're all helping her."

He looked down at his daughter, "How long will she have to stay here?"

"At least a month, assuming she gains weight as we would hope. Of course there's always the risk of complication with premature babies…" she broke off at his look, "but there's always great joy too." He smiled tightly. "Why don't I take you to see your wife?"

They headed back out of the unit and towards the maternity unit. Evelyn was in a room by herself and there was an IV running out of one arm. When she saw him, she looked up fearfully, "Ben…?"

"The baby's fine," he told her, "she's a little fighter."

"She?"

"Yeah," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed, "it's a girl."

Evelyn smiled, "I told you so."

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I've just had a baby ripped out of my stomach," she joked. Then her face grew serious, "I shouldn't have said…I mean I…"

"It's ok," he reassured her, pushing a lock of hair back from her face, "It doesn't matter."

"No, it does," she insisted, "I shouldn't have said it. I know it wasn't your fault and I know…you would never willingly leave me."

"No," he agreed, "I wouldn't."

"I want to see the baby," she said suddenly.

"She's in the special care unit," the nurse who had been standing in the background stepped forward, "and you're not well enough to leave bed…"

"I want to see my little girl!" Evelyn demanded angrily.

"Evelyn, you should listen to the nurse." Ben said.

"I want to see her!" Hot tears poured down her cheeks. "Ben, please, I want to see her."

Ben looked helplessly at the nurse who shook her head, "Maybe later."

"It's not fair!" Evelyn buried her head against his chest and sobbed, "It's not fair!"

"I know," he said, stroking her hair gently, "I know."

SSSS

It was the following morning before Evelyn was allowed to get out of bed and go to the special care unit to see the baby. She hadn't wanted to go in a wheelchair and had kicked up such a fuss that Ben had had to tell her sharply to knock it off. She had shut up almost instantly, cowed by his bad temper.

"I'm sorry," he said, almost instantly, bending and kissing her, "I didn't mean it. Come on, let's go." He pushed her down the corridors along to the unit.

"How small is she?" Evelyn asked.

"She's…small."

"Does she have lots of tubes and things?"

"Yes."

"Oh God…" Evelyn put her hands over her face, "I'm not sure I can bear it!"

Ben stopped the wheelchair and crouched down in front of her, "I know it's frightening," he told her, "but she's our little girl, and she's here, and she needs us to be strong for her."

Evelyn nodded mutely and they continued on their way to the special care unit. At the door, they gowned up and then he pushed her inside. When they reached the incubator where their baby was, he could see her expression of fear reflected in the glass.

"There she is," he murmured gently.

Evelyn didn't say anything for a long moment. She sat looking in at their daughter, one hand gently touching the sides of the glass crib. "She's tiny." Ben nodded, "She's got hair."

"I reckon she looks like you, what do you think?" he asked her.

Evelyn smiled tearfully, "She's certainly good looking. But I reckon she takes after her daddy too." She turned to look at him and he dropped a soft kiss on her cheek. "We never did decide on a name."

"Well, once you got passed your Lucinda's and Marilyn's…"

"I like those names!" she protested.

"Well I don't, and neither does she. I'm her Dad. I've gotta stick up for her," Ben replied.

"What would you want to call her then?"

"What about Jennifer?"

Evelyn wrinkled her nose, "It's not very…"

"Very what?"

"Very…grand…"

"It doesn't have to be grand," he told her, "it should be simple."

Evelyn paused, "Jenny," she mused, "I like Jenny."

SSSS

Jenny Kathryn Stone was a fighter. The doctors and nurses were amazed at her progress. She came on in leaps and bounds and suffered few of the ailments that traditionally affected premature babies. She opened her eyes quickly, she gained weight rapidly and when Evelyn was preparing to leave hospital, she joked that she was afraid to leave Jenny behind in case she caused trouble.

Being in the apartment without the baby felt strange for both of them. Ben would often catch Evelyn standing at the window just looking out at the view, oblivious to whatever he said to her.

"You know we're going to get her home soon," he told her as she lay in bed one night staring at the ceiling, "You should get some sleep while you still can."

Evelyn looked over at him, "She's doing well, isn't she?"

"You heard what the doctors have been saying. She's a little miracle."

"What if that's just because she's in hospital?" Evelyn's face was worried, "What if when she comes home it all goes wrong?"

"It's not going to go wrong," he pulled her into his arms, "she's going to be fine and when we bring her home, it's going to be the best day of our lives."

He felt her smile against him, "What would I do without you?"

"Be poor and hungry?" Evelyn laughed, "and I promise that I'm going to give you all the support I can. Albert says I can take as long as necessary off work." Evelyn didn't say anything, "We're in this together, remember?"

"Yeah," Evelyn replied quietly, "together."

SSSS

"Your grandmother hates me," Evelyn told her daughter a fortnight later as she sat with her in the hospital nursery.

"Don't tell her that!" Ben protested, "It's not true, Jenny. Your mother's lying."

"I'm not lying," Evelyn said, "she's never liked me. But she loves _you_," she told Jenny, "I thought I'd never see you again when she grabbed you that day."

Helen, one of the nurses who had helped to look after Jenny appeared at the door, "Giving Mom and Dad a hard time?"

"No, she's great," Evelyn said.

"You can take her home tomorrow," Helen said.

Evelyn and Ben both looked up sharply, "Really?" the former asked.

"Absolutely," she said, grinning, "Jenny's a little fighter and she deserves to go home with her mom and dad."

"Hear that, Jen?" Evelyn whispered, "you're coming home with us tomorrow." She looked up at Ben and smiled, "We can take her home."

"Just think," Helen said, "It's the first day of the rest of your lives together. As a family."

Evelyn hugged her daughter to her, "That's all I've ever wanted. A proper family."


	18. Chapter 18

It didn't take Ben long to realise, after they brought Jenny home, that despite her best efforts in the hospital, Evelyn was not naturally maternal. Whenever Jenny cried, she would carry on with what she was doing and leave her to scream while he would hurry over immediately to soothe her. She pretended not to hear her daughter crying in the night, so he got up to feed and change her. Whenever he came home from work, more often than not, the apartment was in chaos and Jenny would be screaming while Evelyn was doing something else. Without the constant support of nurses, she seemed to be falling apart spectacularly.

"Evelyn, she's crying!" he found himself saying in despair when he walked through the door every night.

"I know, I can hear her," Evelyn snapped back, "I've been listening to her all fucking day!" This particular evening she was standing ironing Jenny's array of babygros. "She's been crying like that for hours!"

"Have you fed her?"

"Of course I have! But if you think she needs more, _you _feed her!" It had become of particular convenience to Evelyn that she hadn't been able to breastfeed Jenny.

Ben lifted her up and immediately felt his daughter's wet backside, "She's soaking!"

"Change her then," Evelyn said quietly. She kept her head down and continued ironing.

Ben fought down his temper and took Jenny into the bedroom to change her. "It's ok, sweetheart," he said to her, "Daddy's here to look after you." His daughter's brown eyes swam with tears, "It's ok." He expertly took off her babygro and soaking nappy, wiped her dry and then put a fresh nappy on her. Then he held her to him and walked back into the living room. Evelyn was putting the ironing board away. "Evelyn…"

"What do you fancy for dinner?" she interrupted him, walking into the kitchen.

"I don't really care about dinner. I care about the fact that you don't seem to be taking the slightest interest in our daughter."

"Don't be ridiculous," she said, her back to him.

"I'm not being ridiculous, I'm being honest," he retorted, "When Jenny was in the hospital you were all over her, cuddling her, changing her, feeding her…"

"So?"

"So, what's changed now we've got her home? You were excited about it, you were happy. What happened to finally having the family you always wanted?"

"Look, I'm sorry, ok?" she turned back to face him, "I'm sorry I'm not as natural with her as you are. I'm sorry I don't seem to be taking to motherhood the way women are supposed to!"

"It's not about being sorry," he told her.

"Can't you take some more time off work?" she asked, her face begging. "I mean, it's so much easier when you're here…"

Ben paused. He had spent two weeks at home after Jenny had been discharged, but any more personal time had been frowned on.

"You're either a shit-hot ADA or you're a househusband," Bowyer had told him sharply, "Your choice, Stone."

"Evelyn, you know I can't take any more time off," he replied, "I've got work to do, cases coming to trial…"

"Oh and of course my life now revolves around raising your child, doesn't it?" Evelyn snapped, "Never mind the fact that I used to have a career too."

Ben opened his mouth to reply, but he was cut off by a loud banging at the apartment door. Shooting a furious glance at his wife, he hugged Jenny to him and walked across the room to open it. When he did, he saw a sour-faced man looking back at him and lounging against the doorframe. The visitor made no move to speak, "Can I help you?" Ben asked.

"Looking for Evelyn," the man replied in a low voice.

"Who are you?"

"Is she here or not?"

"I'm not telling you until you tell me who you are?"

Evelyn suddenly appeared at the door behind him, "Jake!"

"Evelyn."

Ben looked between the two of them, "You know him?" his tone was slightly incredulous.

"He's my brother," she said calmly.

"Your…?"

"Come in!" Evelyn seemed suddenly to be overtaken by a dose of high delight. She reached across and practically pulled Jake inside. He shrugged away from her and looked around the apartment suspiciously, "You like it?" she asked him.

He shrugged, "It's all right."

"Oh come on, Jake," she chided him, "It's a palace compared to…" she broke off as he turned angry eyes on her, "What's wrong?"

Ben stood watching, still holding Jenny who was watching fascinated.

"Mom croaked," Jake said simply.

For a moment, Evelyn seemed suspended in time, staring at her brother, the only movement being her steady blinking, "What?" she asked after a moment.

"I said, Mom croaked," Jake repeated, in a tone that indicated he was annoyed at having to say it again, "Last night."

"How?" Ben heard himself say, but neither brother nor sister tore their gazes away from each other.

"Dad found her passed out on the couch," he told her, "he thought she was just knocked out." He didn't elaborate.

Evelyn nodded her head slowly, "I see." There was an uncomfortable pause, "This is Jenny!" she exclaimed suddenly, "and my husband, Ben."

Jake cast a sour expression in the direction of his niece, "Cute," he said. "Funeral's on Wednesday. St Matthews. Thought you'd like to know." He turned to the door again.

"Wouldn't you like to stay?" Evelyn exclaimed, hurrying forward and putting her hand on his arm, "We'd love you to, wouldn't we Ben? Especially since you came all this way."

"Uh…sure," Ben replied, although he wasn't overly keen on the prospect of Jake staying any longer than necessary.

He needn't have worried, "Was in the neighbourhood. Gotta go," Jake said by way of answer. He stepped forward to the door again.

"How's Dad?" Evelyn asked, her voice strangely quiet again.

Jake turned and faced his sister, "Drunk." He didn't say anything else, but disappeared out of the door as quickly as he had come, leaving Ben and Evelyn staring after him.

Jenny began to fuss in her father's arms, which seemed to bring them both back to reality.

"You ok?" Ben asked.

"Yeah," Evelyn said, slowly closing the door, "I always knew this day would come. My mother's been a drunk for most of her, and my, life. I just never…" she broke off, "Wednesday…" she hurried into the kitchen and looked at the calendar, "That's two days from now." She turned back to face him, "Will you go with me?"

Ben wanted to say no, he couldn't. He had to go to work to help pay for the medical bills they owed. But her face was full of pain and need that he found himself nodding instead.

SSSS

"Another day off, Stone?" Bowyer had said, "You really gotta get your priorities straight."

"It's one day, Patrick," he had argued, "it's my wife's mother's funeral. Have a heart." Bowyer had huffed and puffed, but he didn't want Wentworth to accuse him of being insensitive, so he told Ben to take the day.

That was how he found himself turning into the car park of St Matthews church in a rundown area of Cambridge. Evelyn had sat nervously twisting her fingers together for the whole journey and hadn't said a word since they had entered Massachusetts.

He pulled into an available parking space and turned to his wife, "How you feeling?"

"Fine," she replied shortly. Her eyes were darting all around the car park, as if afraid to see someone she recognised. She was dressed simply in a black skirt and jacket with a black top underneath and her face was pale and drawn. She had said little in the days since her mother's death despite his attempts to draw her out. For someone who had had so little contact with her mother in recent years, Evelyn seemed particularly affected by her death.

"Let's go," Evelyn said suddenly, opening the car door and climbing out. Ben followed suit and kept pace with her as she strode across the car park towards the church doors. When they stepped inside, he felt her reach for his hand.

Jake was standing just inside the door talking to a group of people. When they saw Evelyn and Ben, they immediately fell silent and stared.

Evelyn stepped forward and planted an air kiss near her brother's cheek, "Jake." He didn't reply, nor did he introduce the people standing with them. Ben watched as Evelyn nodded to them as if she knew them, then she turned and made her way into the chamber of the church.

The funeral was clearly poorly attended with only a few people scattered around. Near the altar, Ben could see two people sitting side by side, a man and a woman, and he followed Evelyn as she made her way towards them and climbed into the row behind.

"Hi Dad," he heard her say lightly.

The man in front turned stiffly in his seat and looked at them. His face was wrinkled and droopy, giving him a hangdog look. His eyes were bloodshot and his hands were shaking. He didn't say anything in response.

"Hi sweetie," the woman said, leaning over and kissing Evelyn on the cheek, "Glad you could make it. This must be your husband," she gestured to Ben.

"This is Ben," Evelyn said, "Ben this is my Aunt Jackie. My mother's sister."

Ben shook her hand, "Pleased to meet you. I'm sorry for your loss."

Jackie made a face, "Maggie's been a lost cause for years. I'm not surprised." She smiled sympathetically at Evelyn, "How's your little one coming on?"

"Fine," Evelyn replied, "getting bigger every day. Her…grandmother's looking after her," she stumbled slightly over the word.

"They grow so fast," Jackie observed, "Enjoy them while you can."

Any response Evelyn might have been made was drowned out by the slightly off tune noise coming from the organ. The small assembled party stood up and Ben glanced over his shoulder to see Jake and some of the people he had been talking to at the door, carrying the coffin down the aisle to the altar. They passed by and placed the plain wooden casket on the small trolley. Jake then came and sat down beside his father, casting Evelyn and Ben a mistrustful look as he did so.

The service was mercifully short. The priest droned on about being 'taken home to the Lord' and 'receiving eternal rest' Ben had been prepared for Evelyn shedding tears, but she sat stiffly by his side, never uttering a sound.

When it was over, Jake and the other pallbearers stepped forward and carried the coffin back up the aisle, followed by Mr Sanderson, Jackie and then Ben and Evelyn. Outside, they watched as the coffin was loaded back into the funeral car to be taken to the nearby cemetery.

Ben and Evelyn followed in their car. "I never knew you had an aunt," he said conversationally.

"You never asked."

He didn't ask her any more after that. The service at the cemetery was equally brief and then, Jake came striding over.

"We're going back to our place, if you want to come," he said shortly, pushing past them.

Ben looked at Evelyn, "Do you want to go?"

She paused, as if weighing up whether it was a good idea or not to return to her childhood home and then nodded slightly, "Yes."

SSSS

The Sanderson family home looked as if it hadn't seen a lick of paint in at least a decade. Paint was peeling from the windows, the garden was overgrown and the windows looked dark and dusty. Ben got out of the car and paused, looking at it. It was so different form the house he had grown up in.

"They had better things to do then keep it looking pretty," Evelyn's voice broke into his thoughts and he turned to see her watching, a slight angry look on her face, "Drinking, for one."

"I didn't say anything," he replied.

"You didn't have to," she said, "I know what you're thinking. Not as good as casa Stone, huh?"

"That's not…"

"Forget it." Evelyn strode towards the front door and Ben had no choice but to follow her.

Inside, a faint musty smell hit him and the first thing he saw was Mr Sanderson sitting on the sofa holding a large glass of what looked suspiciously like whisky. He was staring into space, and didn't look up as they entered.

"Drink?" Jackie appeared beside them.

"Yes," Evelyn said desperately, "What have you got?"

"Silly question sweetie," Jackie laughed softly, "this is your folks place, remember?"

Evelyn smiled wanly, "Of course." She took a vodka tonic from her aunt.

"Uh, no thanks," Ben said when he was offered, "I'm driving."

Jackie snorted, "That ain't never stopped anyone in this family." She turned back to her niece, "have you spoken to anyone?"

Evelyn shook her head, "I'm not sure I want to."

"Don't blame you," Jackie said, before excusing herself to go and speak to some other arrivals.

Evelyn downed her drink in one. "Steady on," Ben joked.

She glared at him, "Don't start."

"I'm not."

"This is my mother's funeral. The least you can do is stop patronising me like some stupid little girl!" Her voice was low, but tinged with anger.

"Evelyn, I didn't…"

"Evelyn." They both turned and saw Mr Sanderson hovering unsteadily behind them.

"Dad?" Evelyn looked at him and Ben was sure he saw fear in her eyes.

"A word," he said, before pushing past them into the kitchen.

Evelyn paused, then handed her empty glass to her husband, before following her father inside.

Ben made to follow her, but Jake appeared suddenly beside him and prevented him from opening the kitchen door.

"Stay out," he said, in menacing tones. "It's family business."

Ben wasn't about to allow himself to be psyched out by a punk. He had to put up with it almost every day as it was. "Evelyn _is_ my family," he told Jake.

"Not here she isn't," Jake replied, "Whole different life here Mr ADA." His tone was now mocking, "You really think that by buying her nice clothes, helping her get a good job and setting her up in a nice apartment you can change who she really is?"

Ben was intrigued and more than a little irritated, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You can take a person out of a place, but you can't take a place out of a person. Evelyn will always be about this." He gestured around the grubby living room, "and you know it." He poked a finger in Ben's chest, "So, leave them alone."

Out of courtesy, seeing as it wasn't his house, Ben did as he was told, but he hovered nervously at the door until it opened again and Evelyn re-emerged. Her eyes were red.

"Can we go now please?" she asked, hurrying over to him.

"Sure," he replied, taking her arm, "are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she snapped, "please, let's just go."

They threaded their way through the remaining guests until they reached the front door. Ben noticed that Evelyn didn't say goodbye to anyone, not even Jake whom he saw watching them from a distance as they left. Once back in the car, Evelyn let out a long shuddering sigh.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Just drive," she told him.

He put the car into reverse and backed out of the space before pulling out into the street. They drove in silence for a good twenty minutes before she spoke again.

"Promise me, you'll never make me go back there."

"I didn't…" he started then stopped, "I promise." He glanced at her sideways, "What happened?"

She shook her head slowly, "I don't want to talk about it. Memories, remnants of a life I don't belong in any more." Ben remembered what Jake had said. "A life I never want to go back to," she continued.

He didn't say anything, wanting her to go on, wanting her to open up. But she didn't say anything else the whole journey back to New York. When they got back home, Mrs Stone was eagerly awaiting all the juicy details and was sorely disappointed when Ben thanked her and told her he would call her at her sister's later. She left, thoroughly distempered.

Evelyn hadn't even looked at Jenny when she came inside. Instead she walked into the kitchen and poured herself a drink, standing sipping it while looking into the distance.

After checking that Jenny was ok, Ben came into the kitchen beside her, "Are you sure you're ok?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied wearily, "I'm fine." She turned and leant against him briefly, "I'm sorry I took you there."

"I'm not," he said with false brightness, "It gave me the chance to meet the rest of your family."

"A joy for you, I'm sure." She stepped away and moved into the living room.

"Evelyn…" Ben asked after a long pause, not sure whether he should, but dying of curiosity, "What did your father say to upset you?"

Evelyn's shoulders seemed to slump slightly as she faced away from him. She turned slowly and regarded him with sad eyes, "Times Square, Ben. Times Square."


	19. Chapter 19

"Times Square?" Ben echoed. The one thing he had wanted to know about for so long, and here she was offering it to him. He couldn't have planned it more perfectly if he'd tried. "What happened in Times Square, Evelyn?"

She opened her mouth to reply, when Jenny's piercing wail erupted through the air and she closed it again. "Jenny's crying," she said after a moment.

Torn, Ben hurried in to where Jenny was lying in her cot and lifted her up, hugging her gently and softly soothing her. "Please don't cry," he told her, more for the fact that he didn't want the moment with Evelyn to slip away, "Come on, Jenny, for Daddy…" It took almost ten minutes, but finally Jenny's cries died into a whimper and finally she was asleep again, tears hovering on her eyelashes. Ben put her carefully back into the cot and then hurried out into the living room.

Evelyn was on the phone, "I'd love to!" she was saying, her face alight with enthusiasm, "Sounds great! Ok, I'll see you there in ten. Ok, bye!" She hung up the phone and grinned at him, "I'm going out."

"I didn't hear the phone ring."

"You couldn't hear a bomb over your daughter," Evelyn replied, pulling her jacket off. "That was Lizzie. We're going for a drink." She hurried into the bedroom and started undressing. Ben followed her and watched as she started pulling clothes out of her wardrobe, "God, I don't know what to wear!"

"Evelyn," he tried to get her attention.

"What?" she asked absently.

"Evelyn, Times Square?"

"Sorry?"

"You were going to tell me about Times Square."

Evelyn turned to face him and he saw that her expression had cleared, "Oh Ben, for goodness sake! I don't want to rake over that old ground again." She pulled out a sparkly blue top and held it against her, "What do you think?"

"It's great, but listen…"

"But what pants should I wear?" Evelyn mused, "Jeans, or smart pants? Where are we going anyway? Russo's….hmm it's quite fancy…God I don't know…" She pulled some more outfits out and then chose a pair of dark blue jeans from the pile. "Are you getting your kicks standing there watching me getting changed?" she cast him a look over her shoulder.

"Evelyn, you just buried your mother this afternoon," he reminded her, "and your father said something to upset you and I want to know what it was!"

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Evelyn turned angry eyes on him, "You never give up, do you?" She pulled her top over her head viciously, "You have to know about every aspect of my life. You can't possibly allow me to keep some things to myself, can you? God, you're so…infuriating! Sometimes, I have no idea why I ever married you!" She was yelling now, her face turning redder, "You smother me, Ben! Shit, it's like living in prison!" She stormed past him into the bathroom and vigorously pulled a brush through her hair.

"I'm just concerned for you, that's all!" he retorted, following her, "You've barely had time to digest what's happened. You're not thinking straight…

"Oh so now I'm crazy!" she swung around to face him, "You fucking bastard. How dare you speak to me as if I'm a fucking idiot! Just leave me alone!" She grabbed her bag, stormed towards the door, opened it and slammed it hard behind her, causing Jenny to start screaming again.

Ben soothed Jenny back to sleep and then spent the rest of the evening pacing around the apartment, not able to settle to do one thing without thinking about Evelyn, wondering if she was ok. Around eleven o'clock, the phone rang.

"Hello?" he said, trying to keep the concern out of his voice.

"Is that Ben?" an unfamiliar voice said

"Yes."

"Hi, Ben, it's…it's Lizzie. Lizzie Young? Evelyn's friend?"

"Hi," he said, "having a nice evening?" Despite his anger, he didn't want to let Lizzie know how he was feeling.

"Um…well, that's the reason I'm calling."

"What's happened?"

"Well…Evelyn's crashed out on our sofa. She's…she's a little bit drunk and…well…Paul and I thought she could just stay here for the night."

Ben sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face, "Ok, as long as it's ok with you."

"Yes it's fine," Lizzie assured him, "She'll be back in the morning." She paused, "I'm really sorry, Ben."

"It's not your fault," he replied, "thanks for letting me know." He put the phone down and then slammed the cradle against the table. He was so furious, with Evelyn, with himself, with her father, with everyone.

SSSS

It was eight-thirty before Evelyn arrived home the following morning. She looked tired and hung over, with dark circles under her eyes and her clothes crushed, but she put on a fantastic performance.

"Hey sweetie," she bent and kissed Ben who was sitting at the table folding up the paper, "Sorry I never made it back last night, but you know what happens when girls get together." She walked into the kitchen and started making herself some coffee.

"So you thought you'd just get roaring drunk and crash out on Elizabeth's couch?" His voice was tight.

"Oh, come on," Evelyn tried to placate him, "it's not as if I do it every night. I haven't been out since Jenny was born."

"I wondered when you'd remember about her," Ben stood up, "She was restless last night."

"And you obviously managed marvellously because I can't hear a peep out of her."

"You're her mother, Evelyn…"

"Lizzie and I were talking last night," Evelyn interrupted him, "and I've decided."

"Decided what?"

"That I'm going back to work, as soon as."

Ben froze, "What?"

"I said I'm going back to work." She grinned at him, "Don't you think it's a good idea?"

"What about Jenny?"

"There's places that take babies during the day."

"She's only four months old!"

"So? It's not as if she's going to be picky."

"Evelyn…" Ben glanced at his watch, "I don't have time to talk about this now, but when I get home tonight…"

"There's nothing to talk about, Ben," she replied with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, "I'm going back to work and that's that."

SSSS

"The case is good," Carter told Ben and Bowyer, "the murder weapon was found at his home, he has no alibi, he fought with the victim…what more do you want?"

Ben glanced through the notes, but his mind wasn't fully on the case in hand. He was still thinking about Evelyn's revelation.

"You listening, Stone?" Carter demanded.

"Yeah," he looked up, "it seems pretty straightforward. What's…" he checked again, "Mr Franklin's story?"

"He claims he was at home, alone, all evening," Haywood replied, "but, no one can vouch for him and he can't remember what he watched on TV. I mean, even the worst liars can at least pull one show out of the hat."

"And the weapon was found where?"

"In the kitchen," Carter replied impatiently, "It's all there." He stood up, "Sure you can handle it?"

Ben momentarily forgot his own issues and shot Carter a steely look, "Yes I can."

"Good." With that, the two cops left, Haywood casting an apologetic look over his shoulder.

Ben looked through the file notes. Tom Nicholls, an eighteen year old drug addict, had been found stabbed to death in Central Park. It hadn't taken long for the police to identify James Franklin as a potential suspect. He had been seen arguing with the victim the afternoon of his murder and, as Carter had pointed out, the murder weapon had been found at his home and he had no alibi. It seemed as if there could be no problem in gaining a conviction. No problem that was, until Ben received a phone call from a rather smug sounding Jack Burns.

"I hear you're going to be prosecuting James Franklin."

"That's correct," Ben replied tightly.

"My firm is defending him. Not guilty by reason of mental disease. I hope you're ready to be walked over." Burns laughed uproariously.

"I'm looking forward to the challenge," Ben replied, knowing there was no point in being outright rude.

"Challenge?" Burns's tone was one of incredulity, "Well if that's how you want to look at it. I'm assuming that coming up against your wife won't be a problem."

Ben paused, "My wife?"

There was a laugh at the other end of the phone, "Don't tell me she hasn't told you? We were really excited to have her back and I'm sure that this is going to be the first of her many triumphs." He chuckled, "We'll both be in to see you tomorrow."

SSSS

"Ben, I don't know what you're getting so worked up about!" Evelyn said that evening as she made dinner, "Jack called me this morning and asked me if I wanted to take the case on. My first time in court trying a proper case! It's a great privilege that Mr Burns chose me himself." She grinned at him excitedly.

Ben was pacing, rocking Jenny in his arms, trying to get her to stop crying. She had been wailing ever since he walked through the front door and found her in her baby seat while Evelyn was poring over the case file. His anger at being told, by Burns of all people, that Evelyn had willingly taken the case without discussing it with him…he could barely put his feelings into words.

"Evelyn, Jenny is four months old! She needs to be with her mother, not packed off to some child minder!" He glared at her, "I don't know how you can even think…"

"She's been with me every day since she was born, Ben. I'm sure she'll appreciate the change." Evelyn dumped the pasta into a dish and started stirring the sauce through, "Besides, you can't expect me to spend the rest of my life cooped up in here with a screaming child. Or are you saying that really you're a closet chauvinist who doesn't think women should work once they have children?"

Ben didn't say anything. It wasn't that he thought Evelyn shouldn't work, but he wanted his daughter to have the sort of upbringing he had had, where his mother was at home for him every day. Where she would make his dinner and ask him how his day had been. It had been a small glimpse of calm before the storm of his father coming home from the pub and the bottomless pit of need that always emanated from him opening wide.

Evelyn took his silence as acquiescence, "For God's sake, Ben! We never said that I would stop working forever! We always said that I would go back. We agreed…"

"I know that!" He snapped, still pacing, as Jenny continued to scream, "It's just…"

"You're scared to come up against me, aren't you?" Evelyn turned surprised eyes on her husband and laughed, "You're worried that I'll wipe the floor with you and everyone will say that the great Ben Stone got done over by his own wife!"

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is!" Evelyn was grinning broadly, "You're afraid…"

"No I'm not because it won't happen!"

"What won't happen?"

"You won't beat me!" The words were out before he could stop them. Evelyn's face instantly fell, "Evelyn, I didn't mean…"

"Yes you did," she replied, her tone icy, "You meant every word because you're under some misguided illusion that you're better than everybody else. That you're better than me. You're starting to believe your own press, Ben, and it's not an attractive quality."

Ben looked at her, stunned, "My own press? I'm thinking about what's best for our daughter."

"No, you're thinking about what's best for yourself," Evelyn's eyes flashed angrily, "You're more concerned with maximising your own career and screw everybody else's, including your own wife's. Just because I had a child, doesn't mean that my working life is over." She dumped some pasta onto a plate and slid it viciously across the table towards him, where it teetered dangerously on the edge, "Enjoy your dinner, Mr Assistant District Attorney. See you in court." She stormed into the bedroom and closed the door.

Ben ate his dinner slowly, periodically checking on Jenny who had fallen into an exhausted sleep, tears still on her cheeks. He thought about what Evelyn had said and wondered if it was true. Was he more concerned with his career? Was that why he didn't want Evelyn to go back to work? He pondered those questions as he washed up the dishes and looked at the plate of pasta Evelyn had put out for herself but never eaten. He heated it up in the microwave, took some cutlery from the drawer and walked over to the bedroom door. He knocked gently, "Evelyn?" There was no reply, so he pushed the door open, "Evelyn?" The lights in the room were off, but he could make out her form on the bed. "I brought you some dinner."

"I don't want any," her voice was muffled.

"I'll leave it here for you." He put it down on the dresser and turned to leave.

"Why do you love me?"

He stopped and turned back around, "What?"

"I asked why you loved me?" Evelyn switched on the bedside light, bathing the room in a yellowish glow which showed up her tear-stained face, "You don't seem to respect me, or my goals, my ambitions…"

"That's not true."

"Isn't it? Then why don't you want me to work? Why don't you want me to use what I worked so hard to get?"

Ben sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. He recounted what he had been thinking himself, about someone being at home for Jenny, taking care of her. He explained he had never understood parents who had children and then fobbed them off on someone else.

Evelyn listened patiently until he had finished, "And that's what you think I'm doing? Fobbing her off on someone else?"

"By sending her to a childminder, yes."

"But you've never considered giving up your own job," she said quietly, "you say you want someone to be at home for Jenny, but it's not going to be you."

"Maybe…" he sighed, "maybe I'm selfish."

"Maybe you are," she agreed, "but if you are, then I am too. I want my career, Ben. This is my chance." She looked at him seriously, "I seem to spend my entire life begging you to understand me. I'm not sure how many more times I can ask for your understanding." Ben looked away, "Let me do this case and then…we'll talk about it." He looked back at her. "Agreed?"

Ben nodded, "Ok."

"Thank you," she leant forward and wrapped her arms around her. They stayed like that for a long moment, "You didn't answer my question."

Ben gripped her tightly. He didn't need to ask her to repeat it. "Because you're you."

He felt Evelyn smile against his neck, "Liar." She pulled back and wiped he eyes.

"You never did tell me about Times Square," he said, taking his opportunity, "or about what your dad said." Evelyn's face seemed to close down again. She climbed off of the bed and started fixing her hair in the mirror. "Evelyn?"

"Not now," she said, "I think I can hear Jenny crying."


End file.
